(no subject)

i broke the other day and said hi to him. as if that small measure would be enough. that he would respond in kind and we'd be back where we started. or, if not there, then casually acquainted again.

is it wrong to expect a reply within 4 hours? i mean, saying hi isn't an invitation to anything else. just a hello. and we used to talk about so much more. and he'd promised me a letter...


i'm tempted to either write him a letter he can read (just half a page detailing how time is too short to spend pining or wasting a good friendship), or an email that he'll read eventually. but it all feels like too much work. he's fucking.... he's my friend, or so i thought. and i'd love it if he didn't just.... ignore me like this. and maybe i shouldn't take it to heart because i'll be a fool to think he hasn't gone long stretches of time without talking to me.

but still. does it hurt that much to say hi? can he really be that scared that i'll think he's in love with me? i'm not under any illusions here. i know that he's... unworthy of this much time.

but it's been a fucking month. suck it up, baby.




my god. i hate what food poisoning and a sinus headache make me feel like. i've been asleep all fucking day and it hasn't got any better. :(