wellownedbkup: (academia)
[personal profile] wellownedbkup
not that anyone's gonna be reading this any time soon, but. hi.

last day of school today, and what a wash. totally coulda stayed home and actually worked on my paper or something. though getting back my poetry was pretty awesome (95%, with notes about how cute that old canterbury tale was, and how he wished i/we employed more slant rhyme and line enjambment... whatever).

also awesome? i *don't* have to pay the single supplement to go on the trip. woot! it was gonna be an extra grand out of pocket cause my old roommate dropped (i hadn't met her, so i'm glad she's gone now); yet they found a new one and sent an invoice saying i didn't have to pay. woo. load off my mind! and saving me money, too. i'd only gotten a little saved for school and poland. i sincerely hope that whoever's giving me money for the trip would just get it to me already. i've got stuff to buy (camera, books for summer term II, ipod, plane ticket) as well as plans to make for NYC.

i'm having a lot of trouble focusing. it may be related to the way i just cannot get to sleep at night this week (pain + a monthly curse/gift leading to long days of sleeping in and long nights of insomnia). but i finished my french paper a day late (he's gonna kill me about that), and i've yet to really start another paper (can't find the book), and even more important is the way i've got a day and a half to write 7 pgs minimum, and i've got one paragraph and a half dozen notes. screwed? i think so.

handling stress is not my strongest point.

in other news, i may have talked my sister into traveling with me next year. i'm going to europe next summer (if it kills me) as my graduation present to me. gives me something to look forward to, no doubt. but i want to go and condense my gap year, ok? i thought about doing one of those internships through university of dreams (i'm really proud of laura for getting into that), but i don't want to give up 8 weeks of my summer. i figure maybe i can talk my uncle tim into letting me work part time for him? getting his website together and bringing him up into at least the 90s, let alone the new millennium. and, hey, i could totally write it off as a tax expense, right? actually set up drowning!Ophelia as a tech support company, if in name only. i'd always operate at a loss, yeah? but you know. whatever. i just need a change of scenery. can't stay in louisville.

still have no frikkin clue what i'm doing after school. maybe interpreting. maybe teaching? maybe applying in IT stuff and totally not using my french degree, should it come down to it. if i had any kind of motivation, i'd do an MBA and go from there. but, yeah, no more school for me. it's terrifying thinking i'm a year from done, but it's even more horrifying that i've spent 5 years in college and still need a year more, considering i had a year cut off my time via CLEP exams.

please tell me why 12 minutes on LJ corresponds to an hour's worth of work on my paper? i totally took 5 hours to write three pages for french. but i've got the equivalent of a page and a half on here. ugh. i hate my life. i hate my brain. i wish it would quit trippin.

i really did have fun this past saturday. i miss people my own age. miss conversations that felt comfortable and inanity. commiseration about the way guys suck and the way people we know are more confusing than strangers. i coulda dealt without "wet butt syndrome" from sitting on the grass to watch the fireworks, but i was happy to have been where i was for the afternoon. have i told you how i feel normal when i'm not here? i feel like i'm not hiding anything, not restricted as to what i can say, comfortable for once. i get that way in people's houses, sitting on their couches and making no decisions. i felt that way the last time i was at faye's, before we went off for sushi and fro yo. or qdoba and fro yo. whichever. felt the same at ariel's, back when she lived downtown. sat on her couch and watched the world pass me by. relaxed for once in my life.

can it be july now? can i have a life, now?

this post is brought to you by the letter 4 and the number 'squishy'. don't forget to spay or neuter your pets! good night, and good luck.
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