last but not least, Nix and why i hate david

[wellownedbkup]

Phoenix was staring at his drawing pad, trying to get the details correct on a dragon for yet another drawing scholarship, as he went up the stairs to his dorm at SECA. His face was still turned down when he collided with a cup of cappuccino.
“Damn! You alright?” he asked. ‘Oh holy SHIT!!’ was what he meant to say as he realized just who he had spilt coffee on. The last person in the world he ever wanted to… coffee? Him? Fuckin’ SHIT!
“Yeah. M’fine. Just a little wet now, s’all.” He grinned and continued to shake out his shirt as he tossed the now fairly empty cup in a nearby trash can. “Shouldn’t drink so much anyway.”
“Still,” Nix said, trying to make amends, “do you want an extra shirt or something? My dorm’s right here.”
“Thanks. I just need something until I wash this out tonight. All my stuff’s down getting washed now.” He watched Nix dig around in his pockets until he found the keys and opened the door. “I’m David, by the way.”
“Phoenix. Most just call me Nix, though.” Nix flashed a grin before rummaging through his drawers for a clean shirt. David stood just inside the open door, watching avidly as Nix opened a drawer and then rapidly shut it, but not before David caught a glimpse of a hot pink tank top and other girly clothes. “Come in. Make yourself at home,” Nix said absently. “I’ll find something.”
David shut the door quietly and walked around Nix’s room, staring at the pictures painted onto the walls. “Did you do all of this? The pictures?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I paid extra to be able to do all this. Here’s hoping the next guy likes ‘em too.” Nix bent back down and pulled out an immaculately clean Underground Rock tee shirt. “This should fit. Is it ok?” he asked, holding it out to David.
“Yeah. You sure?” Nix nodded, then quickly turned away as David stripped out of his shirt without warning. David smirked and took the shirt from Nix’s hand, their fingers brushing.
Nix blushed, and started to talk to hide it. “I’m a graphic arts major. SECA’s cool about letting you do whatever you want to your dorm if you’ve got the money. What’s your major?”
“Photography. I write on the side, but my camera’s all that really matters. Never know when something will catch your eye, and you’ll never see it again.” David slowly circled Nix, contemplating something.
“What?” At first, Nix looked worried, then he just blushed and stood there.
“I’d like to photograph you.” He said it quietly, as though still trying to decide whether or not to ask. “If you’re okay with it.”
Nix gave a shy grin. “Sure. I mean, I’d like that.” Nix blushed again, harder if it was possible. He was shyer than most and let the room fall into an awkward silence. Twice they tried to say something, anything for some noise, but nothing came out.
“Would you mind if I got my camera? I could take your picture now, if that’s alright.” David gestured to the hallway just outside the door. “I’m just a couple dorms down. Wouldn’t take a minute.” Nix nodded, and looked around surreptitiously. David caught the look. “You want to see my room? I’ve got a studio and everything set up.”
Nix grinned and grabbed his keys, following David to his dorm three doors away. The door opened to a room full of pictures: on clotheslines crisscrossing the room, framed and lain against the wall and surrounding a blackened alcove, which must’ve been the studio. One picture caught his attention.
“Is this Ash? Ashley Mitchell?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. He and Scott posed for me.” David picked up his camera, checking his film. “Why?”
“I didn’t know you knew Ash.”
David giggled. “I know everybody. Salem, Leo, Luke, Jordan, Adia, Jilly, Damien, Kyle, Scott and Ash. Whenever it comes up, I get introduced to someone new.” He raked a hand through his unruly black hair. “Pictures here or in your room?”
Nix shrugged. “S’up to you. Your vision.”
David looked around quickly. “Your room. It’s less crowded and more… you.”

The shutter went off almost immediately and never stopped. It was odd how easily Nix posed for David. They were at ease in each other’s presence, doing some things they’d never thought to do. David believed in natural light, in posing as though it was just some interrupted everyday experience. Each pose was carefully structured, and immensely casual.
“You’re very photogenic, Nix,” David said with a serious grin. Nix dropped his head and blushed, biting his lip when David caught that too on film. “Beautiful.” David reached forward, slowly brushing Nix’s hair out of his eyes. His hand lingered as Nix’s shockingly blue eyes met his crystal green. Hesitantly, Nix watched David, taking slow movements toward him. The silence turned into a soft kiss, the camera dropping to the bed beside Nix. David pulled back first, panting softly and whimpering at Nix’s blissful expression. Suddenly, the phone rang.
Blindly, David picked up. “Hello? Who? Nicky? Hold on.” David blinked and looked at Nix. “They want to speak to Nicky.”
“Holy—!” Nix grabbed the phone, almost guiltily pushing David out of the way. He jumped up from the bed, hopping about when his foot was caught in the blankets. “Hello? Hello?? Denise? Hi. …Yes I’m fine. …Who? Oh. David. …He lives nearby and was visiting. …Uh huh. He’s very nice. …Really? He did? … Oh, that’s great! I’m sorry I missed it. I’ll see him next time I come, alright? He can say it again for me then. …It was sweet of you to think of me and call to check up on me. … Give my love to Jaden and the baby. … Okay, I will. …Bye Neicey.” He hung up and tossed the cordless by his pillow. “That was my aunt. She gets worried sometimes when I don’t call. I guess I owe her, ‘cause she raised me.” He blushed. “Not that you’d care or anything.”
David shrugged noncommittally and picked up his camera. Shyly, he looked at Nix. “I better go.” He made as if to go, when Nix grabbed his hand.
“Can I …. Can I see you again?” Nix asked shakily, letting go after having gripped his arm tightly. Damn impulsive thinking. He opened his mouth to take his question back.
David held up the camera. “I should have these developed by day after tomorrow. I won’t have class, so I should be in my room all day.” His voice was hopeful, but he said it as though it was still up to Nix.
“Sure. I’ll be by.” Nix reached up, briefly kissing David before blushing and dropping his head. He blushed harder as David chuckled and walked out the door. Impulses get the best of him at all times.

David didn’t know what to make of it. He stretched his back, looking at the twenty-odd pictures he’d taken of Phoenix Cordell. He was gorgeous, to say the least. They’d been neighbors in this dorm for a year, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t noticed him before. The occasional hello, the longing stare. Everything was falling into place, turning out as it should. All that was left was to see if it became more. Why was it, though, that Nix made it feel like they’d been together for a lifetime, when it was only the first time they spoke?
A knock at the door startled him into motion. When he opened the door, Nix was shuffling his feet around, avoiding looking at the door. “Hi Nix.” He looked up, seemingly shocked to see David open the door.
“Hey. Did you get them developed?”
“Yeah.” David stepped aside to let Nix into the room. The pictures were laid out on the bed, in an order only understandable by David. In the center was the last picture he’d taken, Nix’s head bowed down and a blush stealing over his cheeks. Nix’s fingers hovered above each in turn, tracing the lines. David just watched, trying to gauge his reaction.
“Oh. Wow,” Nix whispered as he came to a few other pictures that had been taken covertly before they’d met. “I didn’t know you knew me then.”
“Well. I didn’t know you. I just thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. How could I pass up the opportunity to catch that on film?” Nix blushed and ducked his head again, unconsciously mirroring the picture David most appreciated. David walked forward, brushing the hair back out of Nix’s eyes.
“You shouldn’t be allowed to say things like that. That’s an unfair weapon.”
“The truth is an unfair weapon? Nix, I don’t have enough words to describe you. I think that’s why I have to put you on film… to make sure I can remember how absolutely gorgeous you are.” David tilted Nix’s head up, looking him directly in the eye. He paused, unsure of his welcome. Nix closed the distance between their mouths, kissing with a restrained hunger. David groaned and kissed back harder, until both were unaware of their surroundings, only each other. They stopped just short of tumbling to the bed and ruining the pictures.
“Whoa.” Nix struggled to take in more than a gasp of air. David swallowed convulsively and began to methodically, mechanically, pick up his photographs. Nix watched as each went into a separate place in a portfolio, in order of importance. When the portfolio was put aside, Nix and David locked eyes.
“This is…” Nix swallowed hard and gestured vaguely.
“Too fast,” David agreed. They sat together on the bed, nearly a foot of pale blue bedspread between them. “I don’t think I meant for it to be like this. I like you a lot, but… yeah.”
“Not too fast. I mean,” Nix laughed, “at least we’re not doin’ each other in the laundry room. I nearly walked in on someone… I almost think it was Scott and Ash like that.”
David grinned. “Seriously? The laundry room. Wow.” He laughed too. “I’m not that public of a person.”
Nix smiled. “S’alright. Neither am I. But I think we ought to slow down a little bit.”
David nodded. “Yeah.” He got quiet, thinking. “Do you want to do something today? Go for dinner or something?”
“Like a date?”
“If you want.”
Nix blushed, slightly embarrassed. “Sure. I heard there’s a great little Italian place nearby. It’s not very public,” he added for David’s benefit.
“Sure. Why not?” he grinned. “Anywhere with you is fine.” He blushed profusely and turned his head away. “I sound so girly.”
Nix laughed and took his hand, shaking his head. He ignored the last comment and led David out of the dormitories and to the restaurant, waiting impatiently for a booth. They sat across from each other, shyly avoiding holding each other’s gaze. They ordered from a waiter who, after a moment’s notice, was wearing glitter lip gloss as well. They didn’t speak, preferring instead the quiet. They didn’t know much about each other, but did it matter? They were together.
Nix watched David covertly while they ate, taking note of the line of his jaw, his mouth, and his green eyes. Everything that appealed to anyone was in David’s face. Well, not everything. Nix turned his gaze away, blushing, as he realized where his thoughts were eventually going. He didn’t understand why, but Nix wanted to jump David right there and fuck him, public or no. He blushed harder and kept his face turned away. He wasn’t really hungry anymore… at least… not for Italian food.
“I’ll pay,” David said, pulling out his wallet. “Who said chivalry was dead?” The waiter came and removed the money, keeping the rest as his tip, watching longingly after David and Nix as they walked out of the restaurant hand in hand.
David pulled Nix into a blind corner, not 50 feet away. “I have to.” He bent his head down to Nix’s, kissing him with all he could offer. He tugged Nix’s lip between his teeth and sighed at his whimper. Letting him go, David straightened.
“We need to get back. Soon.” Nix swayed a bit, then grabbed David’s hand, rushing back to the dorms and leading him to his room. Miraculously, his keys appeared and the door opened in no time flat. He pulled David into the room and locked the door quickly. He turned to see David pressing him back against the door.
“I’m trying really hard, but I want you so much, Phoenix. You have no idea the effect you have on me, how absolutely gorgeous you are.” David pressed Nix against the door, kissing down his neck softly, and a little desperately. Boldly, Nix reached forward, unzipping David’s pants. David stilled in surprise, then relaxed and let Nix keep going. Before long, David stood completely nude in front of Nix.
“Jesus. You’re… amazing.” Nix trailed his hand down David’s chest and stomach, lower and lower until he held David in his hand. David hissed in a breath when Nix tightened his fingers momentarily and let go, standing on tiptoe to kiss him again. Somehow, they backed toward the bed, tumbling down in a heap of tangled limbs and clothes. Finally, David pressed Nix back into the bed, smiling. He rolled his hips forward and panted out his name.
- -fade to black- -
Sunlight was filtering in Nix’s window when he awoke. He was awfully tired, and promised himself a long, hot shower once he found the strength to get up. He looked down at David, his chin-length hair tangled all over the pillow. He was still asleep, amazingly, considering it was close to noon. Thank God neither had class that day. David stirred as Nix tried to get up without waking him. Waste of effort, that. David whimpered as a blast of cold air hit his skin, and he blinked awake.
“Hi,” he whispered, trying to find a balance between awake and asleep.
“Hey you. How’d you sleep?”
“Better with you here.” David edged up in the bed, sore it seemed. “I need a shower.” He wobbled a bit trying to stand, and made it as far as a nearby pair of his jeans. He blushed somewhat as he tried not to look at Nix. “What do you want to do today, after a while?” he asked, pulling on the jeans.
“Whatever’s good for me. I want to do some sketching sometime today, though.” Nix began to gather his things for the showers.
David nodded. “That’ll work. I gotta do a little writing, so we can go wherever you want. If I won’t be bothering you.” Nix nodded shyly. “Meet me downstairs in half an hour?”
“Sure.” They rushed off their separate ways, showering and dressing for the outside. They met, and Nix unconsciously fidgeted under his gaze. With a knowing grin, David led them out to a nearby courtyard, where he then sunk into poetry and Nix tried to find a subject that would catch his interest. Nothing quite so cheesy as drawing David, but he ended up doing so anyway. The sunlight filtered in through the leaves, highlighting the blue-black of David’s hair, his straight nose, and the plain leather jacket. Nix smiled as he got caught up in his drawing. It was as if time had stopped and David had an angel glow around him. The notebook was open on his lap, and his pen was moving furiously across the page as the words flowed faster and faster. When Nix finished, the arrested movement of David’s inspiration made him have to sit and stare at the paper. Was this truly the work of his hands? He looked up quickly to see David staring bemusedly at him.
“What?” Nix asked guiltily. A blush stole across both of their cheeks as they were caught in the act of staring.
“You were just sitting there. But it was like you were a statue, not human. Like you weren’t even breathing.” David shook his head. “I got worried… and then you were alright again.”
Nix let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Don’t worry about it. When I see what I’ve drawn… sometimes, I feel like I’m possessed when I draw. So when I see the result, I kinda… pause everything. But I’m okay after. I promise.” Nix held up his sketchpad. “Wanna see what I was breathless about?’
David came to sit next to Nix and his eyebrows shot upward. “You were drawing me?”
Nix nodded and looked up at David through a hazy veil of blonde hair. “I was trying to see what would catch my attention, and it was you. Like it?”
“Hell yeah. It’s… God. Wow. If I could draw like that… I’d never need a camera.” David grinned. “It’s almost as amazing as you.”
Nix’s head jerked up. “Wha-? You don’t mean that. I’m nothing special. I mean, I think you’re gorgeous. I’m just… me.”
“Phoenix Cordell, nothing special? Who told you that?”
“Nobody. Just… I’m not.”
“Right. Somebody needed to warn me that you wouldn’t take a compliment when it was blatantly obvious truth. If no one ever told you before you met me,” David said, taking Nix’s hands in his, “you are the most beautiful person alive. If it was up to me, your picture would be everywhere. I can’t believe no one ever told you how beautiful you are. How perfect.”
“Well, Neicey told me twice… I think. But, she only said that because I’m family. Said that’s what my name meant. A person of exceptional beauty. That’s why she named me that—girl or boy, that was the name. My mom…” Nix shook his head. “My mom wasn’t going to be able to raise me, no matter what. My aunt promised to take care of the baby way before I was born. Mom was a junkie.” Nix laughed bitterly. “How can a child be beautiful in a family like mine?”
“The same way I could be the outcast in my family. All lawyers and prestige, and I choose to be a photographer.” David’s smile twisted. “They won’t mind paying for SECA, but I’ll be in Hell by the time I get back. Guilt trips and the usual pity talks. They don’t even know I’m gay yet. What’ll happen then?”
Nix looked shocked for a minute. “They don’t? Why haven’t you told them yet?” He held up his hand. “Wait. Never mind. You’ve got a good reason not to tell them.” Nix shifted closer to David and tucked his head in the crook of David’s neck. “I’m glad you are.” David blinked. He didn’t just say what he thought he did, did he?
They sat for a while in the yard, not doing much. It was almost as though they’d been together for so long, words didn’t matter as much as actions. Actions like a long, drawn out kiss that turned into something that would be better handled in a bedroom. Giggling, Phoenix and David made their way up to David’s dorm, laughing at some private joke when they received strange looks from others in the building. They backed into David’s room, ripping each other’s clothes from their bodies. They landed in a tangled heap on the bed, not caring what went on outside of their little world.
- - fade to black… again - -
David kissed the top of Nix’s head, smiling at the quiet, snuffling sleep of his bed partner. Nix sighed and shifted closer to David. Slowly, he opened his eyes. A slow grin stole across his lips.
“Hey you.”
“Hey.” Nix stretched long and slow, pressing against David. Even this late in the afternoon, a reaction stirred to life between them. David shivered. “What’re you doing over spring break?”
Nix stopped mid-stretch, and leaned over David. “What?”
“What are you doing over spring break? It starts in a couple of days… and I was wondering if you’d come with me… if you had no plans. My mom… she asked me to come home for the break.” He dropped his eyes so they wouldn’t make eye contact. “I don’t want to be alone with them.”
“Is it alright? I mean, I have nothing else to do… and I’d love to go with you.” Nix smiled shyly and nestled against David’s chest. “If you want me there, I want to be there.”
David grinned and picked up his phone, dialing his parents’ number. “Ma?… Hi. S’David. … Yeah. I know you’d know it was me by calling you Ma. … I know. I’m trying to be there by Sunday night. … I was calling to ask if I could bring a friend. … He’s a neighbor. … Don’t we still have that guest room? … You made it into a study? Really? … Well, he can stay in my room. … Yes, Ma. He’ll be fine with it. … We’re college guys, Ma. We’ll be fine. We’re used to crowded spaces. … Thanks Ma. Phoenix’ll love it there. … Yeah, Phoenix Cordell. He’s an artist. … Bye Ma. See you soon.” He hung up and tossed the phone lightly onto the floor, just missing a stack of photos. “She said you could come, as long as you don’t mind sleeping on a cot in my old room. She’d have offered you my sister’s room, but she just came back from a long stay… somewhere,” he gestured vaguely, “and she converted the guest room into a study for her.” David shrugged.
“I’ll be fine.”

Phoenix sat on the stairs like a little child, eavesdropping on a grownup’s conversation. Just inside the living room, David sat with his head bent down. Nix closed his eyes as he fought the terrible urge to kiss his hurt away. David still hadn’t told his parents about… whatever he and Nix were. The conversation was muffled, but he could make out that it was another of the guilt trips David had said would happen. This was much angrier, though. It seemed his parents resorted to shame to try to influence David. Nix walked up the stairs quietly to their room. He’d been very good this past few days, not saying anything when he couldn’t touch David… or kiss him… or offer him comfort… or push a lock of his hair back. Nix sighed sadly and sat down on David’s bed, waiting.
David walked into the room not even thirty minutes later.
“David…?”
“Hold me, Nix. I don’t care if my parents walk in or not. Just hold me.” David stripped down and lay beside Nix, his nose pressed against his collarbone. He breathed deeply, taking Nix’s scent deep inside. “You smell so good.”
“You’re just saying that. Rest. You’re under a lot of pressure. I’ll still smell the same when you wake up… and you can tell me that then.” Nix grinned and rocked David to sleep.
Night faded into morning, and with it faded the pain of talking to his parents. David held Nix close, kissing whatever skin was closest to his mouth. Which just happened to be a ticklish spot just below his ribs.
“Hey, that tickles,” Nix giggled groggily. David, seizing the opportunity, nibbled along his ribcage, eliciting low squeals of laughter and had Nix squirming. “David… stop!”
“Shh,” he whispered. “You’ll get everybody up here wondering what we’re doing.” He kept nibbling upward along each rib, chuckling as Nix tried to muffle his laughter. Each little movement set Nix off again, laughing until there was no help for it. David kissed Nix long and soft, moaning low at the feel of his body. They had to go unfulfilled, however, because at that moment, David’s mother walked into the room.
“David, sweetie, it’s time… to…. What is going on here? David? Explain this to me.” She’d just come in as David was pressing his hips forward against Nix amid whimpers and moans for more. He dropped his head and groaned, heartfelt, rushing to straighten them out. Mrs. Lincoln stood in the doorway, tapping her foot impatiently. When David sat finally, a sheet slung around his hips, and Nix covered up and blushing, she waved her hand for an explanation.
“Ma, I’m… we’re… see….”
“Spit it out, David. You’re gay, aren’t you? You’re a fucking homosexual,” she spat distastefully.
“Ma, listen. I’ve been meaning to tell you. Really, I have. I just didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t mean for you to find out this way. God, Ma.” David dropped his head as she looked at him, disgusted. “You don’t have to like it. It’s me… it’s who I am. I love Nix, and there’s nothing you can do to change it.” Nix, at this proclamation, dropped his jaw and stared at David, much like David’s mother was doing at that very moment. “I love him, Ma. Can’t you understand that?”
“David… I… I think it’s time you left.” She turned, tears in her eyes, and left the room, door closing behind her.
Nix sat stock still, a faint tremor in his fingertips as he reached out to David. “Tell me you’re serious. Tell me you’re fucking serious.”
“Why would I lie?” David pulled Nix close, kissing him over and over. “I want you, Nix. I need you and want you and love you more than you could ever know.”
What could back up a statement like that? Nix lay back and pulled David to him. “FuckmeDavid. PleaseGodfuckme.”
- - fade to… and stay black… for a while, at least- -

David smiled as Nix agonized over a stove. “What are you so worried about?”
“I want it to be perfect. I don’t care how long it takes, you’re getting a fully, home-cooked meal. Your parents didn’t raise you right if you’ve never had a real meal, cooked by someone close to you.”
“But I don’t care about that. I just wanted to be here with you a while before I go.” He walked up behind Nix and put his arms around him, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Will you make sure my photos are put in the Gallery this summer?”
“Yeah, they’ll be in there. But I don’t want you to go. Couldn’t you intern somewhere nearer here? Louisville is a long drive.” Nix sniffed quietly and stirred his gravy.
“I’ll call you once I get there, and everyday at 5. Okay?” Nix paused, and nodded sadly. “I don’t want to leave you here alone either, but you’ve got classes to take. I’ll be back in a couple of months, alright? If I can, I’ll come up a couple of weekends.”
Nix smiled and held up the spoon. “Taste.” David tasted the gravy and moaned. “Good?”
“Amazing.”
“Good.” Nix shooed him away from the kitchen to set up the plates. He brought them in and whispered softly. “David. Candles? You amaze me.” David grinned and pulled back Nix’s chair for him, the only ornamentation on the table a small arrangement of candles. They held hands across the table as they ate, savoring the last dinner they would have together for a long time.
David smiled eventually, and held Nix close. “I love you, Phoenix Cordell. Nothing can change that. Ever.”
“IloveyoutooDavid,” Nix whispered, blinking back his tears.

Nix held up rather well for the two months David was gone. It was tough, of course, because within a few months, David had become a major factor in Nix’s life. It was painful when David began to call less frequently… but it was written off as being busy. So many things had happened… and Nix’s heart was pounding from the stress of it all. The shock of seeing him again was almost enough to stop him in his tracks.
“Oh my god! David, what…? What did you do to your hair?”
He patted the now close-cropped locks. “Like it? It was too hard to try to keep up with long hair, so I cut it down a little. Do you like it?”
“It’s… spiky. And… blonde tips? I liked your hair. It’s alright… I guess.” Nix said finally, patting it lightly on top, “As long as you like it.”
“Good.” He hugged Nix tightly, kissing him passionately. “C’mon. Let’s go eat. I’m starved.” He tugged him out of the room and down the hall. All through the halls and out the door, David was kissing Nix, barely able to keep his hands off him.
“David… public?” Nix asked, trying to calm his flaming cheeks as derisive comments flew.
“I don’t care. Do you?”
“Not if you don’t… but you used to.” Nix sighed and followed quickly after David. “You’ve changed, Davy. You’ve definitely changed.”
David stopped in the middle of the street, arms widespread and taking a deep breath, he grinned. “But it’s a good change. I’m alive and in love, Nix. In love with the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen. Why should I hide it? Why should you?” He pulled Nix in for a hot, soul-blasting kiss. “Why hide when I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted? I’m happy!”
“But you were happy before you left, weren’t you?”
“Yes, I was,” David said softly, taking Nix closer in his arms. “But I was afraid. In Louisville, I met these two girls that really changed me. Despite everybody trying to break them up, they’re still best friends. They’re happy. I just want us to be happy.” David gave a half smile and kissed the top of Nix’s head.
“Okay. As long as you’re okay with it.” Nix followed David into the restaurant, trying his best not to run and hide. He was private… when it came to relationships. He tried to smile, but the stress was getting to him. He needed to get this off his chest.
“Nix, if it was possible, would you marry me?” David looked up from his drink when he heard Nix panting and tapping the top of the table. “Nix? Phoenix? Are you alright?”
“Hospital… quick.” Nix’s eyes fluttered shut, and his breathing nearly stopped. David, unsure of what to do, shook Nix as they slipped down to the ground.
“Nix? Nix, sweetie, what’s wrong? Nix??” Racing down the street, he carried Nix all the way to the hospital’s emergency room. “Somebody… quick… he’s… not… breathing,” he panted, nearly dropping as the nurses took Nix from him and rushed him along. A barrage of questions floated around David, and he almost couldn’t take the stress. He pushed away, making it to a phone to call Neicey.
“Neicey, it’s David. Nix…. He passed out on the street. I don’t know what to do. … I’m at Methodist. … He’s what? … I’ll tell them. … Come quick, Neicey.” David went back to the nurses’ station, filling out form after form after form, signing Nix in. Insurance. Allergies. Medication. Living will? David didn’t know the answers to half the questions, and was about to drown his despair in coffee when Neicey came in, answering the doctors and the papers with an efficiency not known to man. But, she couldn’t stay all night. Her family needed her because her husband Jaden was out of town. Ailis and the baby needed her. So, as quickly as she had come, she was gone.
Nix, on the other hand, would have to stay. As would David, masquerading as his brother… of sorts. The doctor came to David as the night progressed and Nix was settled into a room on the sixth floor.
“Mr. Lincoln? Phoenix’s brother?”
David smiled at Nix’s portrayal of him. “Adopted, but yes. Call me David.”
“David, has Phoenix been taking his pills lately?”
“Pills? I don’t know. I’ve been out of town for the past few months. I just got back today. What’s wrong with him, Dr. Malkese?”
“Phoenix has Ventricular Tachycardia. His heart can beat up to 700 times per minute, and it would kill him. It has never reached that point, thank heavens. But, he was on Quinidine to slow his heartbeat. Until today, it’s worked. I don’t think he’s been taking it as he should.” Dr. Malkese sighed. “You can see him if you like. Phoenix is stable for the moment. I’ll be in to see him in the morning.” The doctor walked away shaking his head. David, on the other hand, turned to Nix’s room, anxiety radiating from his very being.

“Nix, are you awake?”
“Mmm? Yeah. Come in, David.” Slowly, Nix turned to face David as he walked in. Good Lord. Was he always that tall? Or that worried?
“Why didn’t you tell me there was something wrong with your heart?”
“Wasn’t important.”
“Wasn’t important?” David all but screamed. He dropped his head as a nurse walked in to check on Nix and then walked back out. “Nix, we’re in love. Honesty was supposed to be one of the things we’d keep between us. You could have died, and I wouldn’t have known what to do. Nix, I can’t lose you. Why…?”
“Davy, I’m sorry. I had everything under control until you left. And then I had so much on my mind, I kept forgetting to take my pills. I didn’t tell you before because I was afraid you wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t perfect. I had to be perfect for you.”
David almost opened his mouth to deny it, but then he thought again. “Dammit. I am such an ass. I did make it seem all I wanted was perfection. I’m so sorry, Nix.”
“S’alright. Do you want to know everything?” David nodded. “Well… my heart doesn’t beat right. It can beat over 700 times a minute, but the worst mine has ever been was 450 bpm when I first found about it. So I ended up taking Quinidine for the rest of my life. And, whenever there’s something that causes a DAH… a disturbed rhythm, I do little things to slow me down again. Like holding my breath or rubbing my neck. And I avoided caffeine, and beers and stress as much as I could. “
“Stress. It got worse when I left, didn’t it?”
“Yeah. But it wasn’t your fault. I should’ve taken my pills, and I didn’t. My fault. Not yours.” Slowly, Nix sat up, pulling David closer to him. “I wanna kiss,” he whined playfully. Tugging David closer, Nix smiled. The IV-less hand tangled in the back of his head, pressing lips to lips. David sunk into the kiss, but Nix was slightly distracted. “Stay with me,” he whispered against his lips.
“Why wouldn’t I?” David smiled and lay under the blankets next to Nix, holding him tightly as he slipped off into Shangri-La.
Dr. Malkese walked in the next morning around nine and wisely said nothing as David scrambled out of the bed and Nix sat up, blushing. “Is it too early, Phoenix?”
“No… no, it’s fine. What’s up?”
“How are you feeling this morning?”
“Better. Calmer.”
“Glad to hear it. I’m going to prescribe you Procainamide. I’m trying my best to help you avoid taking Amiodarone…”
“I know, Dr. Malkese. I’ll try my best to stay on these, I promise.”
“It’s not me you need to promise, Phoenix. It’s yourself. You have to take your medicine for your own well being.”
“Yes, Dr. Malkese.”
“Alright then,” he said, standing. “You’ll have to stay here for a few more days, just for monitoring purposes, and then you’ll be free to return to… SECA? I didn’t know you went there. My daughter went there years ago,” he said nostalgically. “I don’t want to have to see you back here, Phoenix. David,” he nodded and left the room.
So Nix stayed at Methodist for a week… recovering from the mishap at the restaurant. David stayed too, most nights, curling up beside him in the bed. None of the nurses said a word when they came in and out to check on him. Nix guessed they had probably seen worse than that before. Jade came by, as well as Ailis and the rest of her family, all to see how Nix was doing. What no one understood was what Nix hoped he would have the guts to say to David. When Saturday came, Nix still hadn’t the heart to tell him.
(If, by any chance, you don’t want to read a fade to black… that didn’t fade, skip over a few… that is, 24 paragraphs.)
David carried Nix into his dorm later that night, the hallways clear of anyone. Nix smiled as David laid him down in the bed. He turned away, as if he was leaving, when Nix grabbed his hand.
“Were you just gonna leave me here, then?”
David shrugged. “Right now, all I can think, Mr. Cordell, is that I need to feel your body beneath mine. But you just got out of the hospital. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I fucked you right now?”
“A good one.” Nix got up his knees, his hands going to David’s waistband. “Fuck me, David.”
He flicked open the button on his pants, unzipping the fly. David stood still, passively, surrendering to Nix’s every desire. Nix, slightly nervous but nonetheless determined, leaned down, nipping along David’s hip as he pushed off his pants and boxers. David’s entire body tautened. He hissed in a breath, his head tilting back as if too heavy for his neck. He kicked the clothes away and rested his hands lightly on Nix’s shoulders.
Nix looked up to see David swallow convulsively, his eyes shut tightly and anxiety nearly pouring from him. This would be the first time ever in their relationship that Nix would be in control. Nix grinned and licked quickly at David’s bellybutton, tugging up at his shirt. David took a shaky breath and took the shirt off, letting Nix have more access to skin.
“David….”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t bite unless asked to. It’s okay.”
“I know.” Slowly, David opened his eyes to see Nix sitting back on his heels. “Okay. My turn.”
Nix nodded and moved closer. David reached out, pulling Nix in for a deep kiss, unbuttoning his shirt. Still not breaking the kiss, he pushed the sides apart, running his hands along Nix’s chest. Nix moaned and tilted his head back. David, seeing his advantage, kissed down his neck, sucking lightly at his pulse.
“David,” Nix whimpered, “please….”
David grinned and knelt on the bed next to Nix. “I’m all yours.”
Nix blinked. “Oh.” He stripped down while David lay down on the bed. Gathering some things from the nightstand, Nix climbed on the bed and knelt between his legs. He leaned forward, kissing David like a drowning man takes in his next breath. David gasped as he pressed a slick finger into him.
“God… Nix…” he panted out, arching as he slid his fingers gently in and out. Nix smiled and added another finger, pressing even deeper. “Goooooooooood,” David moaned louder, trying to get more contact with his fingers.
Nix dropped his head, panting and trying to regain control of himself. “David… I…--.”
“I don’t want you to do anything you can’t do Phoenix, darling. You’re too fragile… I want you to be okay.”
“I’m fine. But… my control is only so long. I can’t hold on much longer.”
“Then don’t,” David sighed, kissing Nix deeply. Nix slicked his hands down himself, trembling in anticipation. Slowly, he began to push into David, whimpering at the sensations rocketing up and down his spine. David arched into him, moaning at the slowness of his invasion.
“Please… Nix…” David begged softly as Nix slowly pulled out and pressed back in. David moaned again as Nix pulled his legs higher on his hips and changed the angle.
Nix closed his eyes and began to push into him harder and faster. Reaching down, Nix started to move his hand in time with his hips. Neither was able to contain themselves as David began to move as well, arching his back until it was almost painful.
“Oh……. God……. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiixxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!” David arched up off the bed, writhing in the throes of his climax.
“Fuck, David.” Nix moaned loudly, pushing in roughly before collapsing on top of him.
“Yeah,” he laughed softly. “You did.”
Nix grinned softly and cuddled closer. “Yeah.” Slowly, they went to sleep, not caring if they were stuck together in the morning. And all that Nix had planned to say was pushed further back in his mind. But happiness was not meant to be for long.

“Your room is a health hazard, Nix. What the hell were you thinking when you put this here?”
“David… I have to tell you something.” Nix watched as David flitted around from wall to wall, trying in vain to make things easier for Nix. “David! Sit down for a second, will ya?”
David sat, looking confused, on the bed next to Nix. “What is it?”
“David, look… I’ve got something to tell you. And it’s kinda hard for me to say, ‘kay?” David nodded. “Good. See, it’s like this. While you were gone this summer… I kinda hooked up with an old friend of mine. Did you meet Jade?”
“Yeah. Strange guy. Him?”
“Yeah. But… um…” Nix stalled for time. “See… we kinda went further than I thought we would.”
“What do you mean, Nix? What are you talking about?” David began to pale in concern.
“David… we kinda had a… onenightstand.” He reached out his hand to David in supplication. “David, I’m sorry. I had to tell you. We didn’t mean for it to go as far as it did. I am so, so sorry.”
“You had to tell me?”
“Yes. I can’t keep anything from you.” Nix held David’s hands in his own. “David… do you forgive me?”
David hesitated for a moment. Nix felt his heart begin to sink. “Yes. I forgive you.” David sighed. “At least you had the guts to tell me.” He gave half a smile.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this?”
“Was it just one night?” Nix nodded. “Then, yeah. Everyone’s allowed one mishap in a relationship.” Nix launched over into David’s lap, hugging him tightly. He didn’t want to let go for the rest of the night.
It was confusing, though, when David was nowhere to be found for the next week. Nix didn’t know where he was from the morning after his confession. Had David taken it the wrong way after all?

David searched high and low for Nix after a week away. He had something weighing heavily on his mind, but he had no clue where Nix was. It was Saturday, so he wasn’t mural painting. But he wasn’t in his dorm or the studio downstairs. Not in the showers or even in the courtyard. Finally, back in his own dorm, David called Neicey to see if she knew where Nix was.
“Hello, this is David. Is this Neicey? …. No, no, Ailis. You’ll do. Have you seen Nix around? …. He’s where? …. Ok. I’ll be coming by there in a few.” David drove over an hour to reach Neicey’s house. Nix was in the apartment above their pool room and office, detached from the house. David climbed the stairs to the second floor and knocked.

Nix jumped at the sound of someone at the door. Dropping the paintbrush and deciding against wearing the now-ruined shirt he came with, he opened the door and smiled at David. “Hi.”
“Hey. Can I come in?”
Nix stepped aside and ushered him in. “Be careful. Wet paint,” he cautioned quickly as David reached out to the wall to balance himself as he stepped over the paint cans littering the floor. He pulled back just in time. “Oil paint. Hardest fuck to get out of clothes.”
David grinned a bit, and cleared his throat. “Can we talk?” Nix raised a brow and led him into a lemon yellow room, the bed and floor covered in plastic to catch paint drops. He stared at his hands so as not to watch Nix’s expression.
“Nix… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About me. You. Us. My future. I didn’t mean to disappear again, but… I had to have some time alone to think. And… I… How’s your heart, Phoenix?”
“Fine,” he said, flustered at the change in conversation. “What’s wrong, David?”
“I… I don’t want you to be hurt. You sure your heart’s ok? You just got out of the hospital a week ago….”
“David. I’m fine. What’s wrong?”
“Phoenix. I don’t want to see you anymore.” Nix dropped slowly to the floor, letting David’s words wash over him. “Like I said, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future. I decided that photography really isn’t for me. I’m gonna go back to Chicago. Clerk for my parents. Work toward a law degree. Marry a nice little girl-.”
“Girl?” Nix squeaked.
David cringed. “Yes. What we had was just an experiment. A fling. I wanted to try something new. We weren’t going anywhere, Nix. You oughta know that. And you’re a great artist, so you’ve got everything good in your future. You don’t need me.” He tried not to look at the glow radiating from Nix’s head that the setting sun caused. “Look, Nix. I’m leaving SECA in the morning. I just wanted to say this in person. I’ll see you ‘round.”
Nix dropped his head and wept, not even hearing David leave the room. This was it? The end to the love of his life? He only barely remembered not to touch his hair with his paint streaked hands. No more David. No more love. He curled into a ball on the floor, weeping bitterly, the shadows in the room highlighting his scars. When would these new wounds heal?


Boy that was long.