the future freaks me out

so i meant to say that i talked to ariel the other day. online. still. talk about your blast from the illustrious past. she sounds good, all in all. i mean, for a short IM conversation, she sounds good. she's graduating, got into grad school. i'm really proud of her. says something for her sticking power that she could make it this far. *applauds*

actually, i'm really proud of all my friends that are graduating/got into grad school/whatever. that're actually making it somewhere.

(counter this by saying i saw megan parker the other day at the store. talk about a different blast. i thought she was really... i dunno, brilliant. college material. she's got two little boys now and is with a guy who may be really a good guy, but looks like the kind of loser my sister's married to. she went to ITT for a while, but she's settled with kids. we both commiserated about how life gets in the way of school. it was good to see her, because she looks happy. and her littlest boy is so adorable it hurts.)

putting life on hold is killing me, though. mom's so scared we're ready to move out of the house (i am, i so am. i'm just too broke to do it reasonably) and she's freaking out that i'm applying for real jobs (more on this later). i want(ed) to finish my degree. get out of college. or maybe go to grad school, but i think i was sick of school by the time i hit 6th grade, let alone high school, so i actually am no longer sure about that. and i'm just SO OUT OF PRACTICE with the school thing that i...

ok, so i was supposed to reapply for the summer session. at least, that's what i told myself. now i'm just gonna push it to the fall. kill a semester with really really easy classes to bring my gpa up. but as of right now? i don't really feel like putting up 30 dollars. and i think i already missed the deadline. just goes to show what i know, right? so, all that being said, i *am* going to reapply for the fall. give myself some time to get adjusted. maybe find out who's teaching the level 1 french classes so i can really get a refresher on french by sitting in at least once a week on their classes. or something. sheesh. i dunno. i kinda need the money.

and on that note, i'm talking about jobs as well. i got a call back for one of the jobs. screener at the airport. i take a test at the end of april for it. if i pass, woo! job. it'll be some ugly hours, but i think i could probably work it out. work for them for whatever hours i get (and it'd be love if i got like... evenings or nights as a screener so that i could keep my labs job that provides me with lovely downtime for my brain. and take a coupla classes as well. fill up my time so i don't have time to dick around with my classes). i'm all for re-prioritizing my life, but god help me cause my situation hasn't changed once in this past four years that hasn't been for the worst.



i need an easy out, that's my problem. i need a huuuuge sum of money to fall into my lap. i need my mom to get her knees replaced. i need to be published and acclaimed and live off my royalties for the rest of my life.

(anyone know of a publisher who'd like to publish a collection of poetry, essays, and fiction? or, maybe know someone who'd like to read it?)