wellownedbkup: (GTFO)
Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim. ~William Feather

talk about being in need of special help... ugh.

ok, i've been whining about this on twitter ALL FREAKING DAY so why not add it to my journal too!?!?

the background )

cut to 5 pm TUESDAY. "can you send me a ppt version instead of a pptx version? i haven't updated to office 07, but i've finished the first part of what i'm talking about." great. "and those things you researched aren't part of the code; they're tangential. you would've known this if you hadn't just looked at wikipedia. see, look at this french wikipedia link for proof that i'm right. just redo your research and send me what you've got so i can check the spelling and everything before we present." (note, not his actual words, but the gist is the same)

here's where i freak the fuck out... )

so you can see i'm understandably upset. my presentation's in 12 hours or so. and i still don't have a finished product. only two good things have happened at all this week, only one of which i had a hand in. i got a 100 on my first oral presentation (poetry recitation in french) on monday because an old professor taught me how to do so for a competition in middle school.

the other thing was some facebook backup by a friend of my brother's. i was getting lectured on my faith vs. homeschooling (if i truly believed we were living in the time of the end, then why would i say that homeschooling was a bad thing?), and dude backed me up by reminding the lecturer that our timetable is not Jah's, so we have to prepare for all eventualities. including one where this girl's daughter graduates high school and has to enter the workforce. she'll have to face faith issues eventually, so public school may be her best option. better now than later, right??

anyway. dude was awesome on backing me up... and i can't even claim him as my own.
wellownedbkup: (lost)
so, i scared myself to death because guess who found some 'mysterious 3 hours' that she didn't know she needed to take? *raises hand* and keeps getting confused about the level of social/behavioral science classes she needs to take? *raises other hand*


don't mind me. i've gotta write this down somewhere or i'll go insane... )

god, this hurts my brain. i'd love for this to be simple. i've even done color-coded spreadsheets to work it all out. for all intents and purposes, i'll be ok to graduate in 2010, as (sorta) planned. i still have no clue how i'm going about it, but you know. one does what one must, yeah?

on the bright side, hey! i've done a lot more than i expected. i killed off pretty much anything easy and am now stuck with all my hard classes.
wellownedbkup: (bump low carb)
so, in other news, i haven't told y'all what i'm doing about my weight in a while. by which, i'm really saying that i haven't talked about losing weight lately, have i?


so, a few months ago, my mom saw this thing called the 6 Week Body Makeover ).

so. she got the program, we've looked it over and started buying the food so that we can get on the right track. we started on tuesday after weighing in monday evening. and it's been less than a week, but here's what's happened thus far:

Start Weight: 301 lbs )

yeah. 10 lbs down, without the exercise. *does a dance*

and you know what's messed up? i'm eating 5 or 6 times a day, and i'm not hungry. ok, i'll admit, i kinda get the shakes every now and again because i'll have breakfast and elevenses and lunch, but then i'll have class and can't have after-school snack because dinner happens at 6ish. so stuff's getting smushed together weird.

also messed up? i'm not exercising like i should be doing. i'm doing a lot of walking right now that i wasn't back when i was driving more often (ugh, catching TARC SUCKS SO BAD), which is a good thing. but i'm really more interested in working on the lack of muscle tone i have underneath this cushy exterior. muscles burn more calories, right? gad, i need to be back at ups for this week or something. serious.

so. WHEE. maybe the next time y'all see me? i'll be half the girl i used to be. :)

[heh. pictures may follow, once i notice a real difference that isn't "hey, i can't see my stomach over my boobs like i used to!"]
wellownedbkup: (Default)
so maybe it's not awkward anymore, so much as it's... distant.

so maybe i kept his cell number in my phone and i text him. what better way to talk after the breakup-that-wasn't than use the same form of communication?

so i text him and tell him i miss him and that it's been ages since we talked. and that i worry for him. (if only cause i think he deleted his bebo profile)

and he texts back. says he's fine and working loads, hopes i'm ok and misses me too.

not awkward. just... distant. no longer easy.
wellownedbkup: (Default)
ok, so i overslept this morning. grr. not a good start to my tuesday, i can assure you. especially as i had to be at work within half an hour of my waking up. not cool. though, of course, since i'm running late the only shoes i can find are some ill-fitting wedges that are not suitable for lab work. 4" =/= proper geek wear.

it's ok, though. i made it. for what it's worth. i get to work and, once again, MY DESK IS CRAWLING WITH ANTS, OMG. i back away slowly and make my boss kill them. my other!boss comes and taps out the keyboard WHERE THE ANTS ARE LIVING WTF and goes on a cleaning/killing spree. my nerves are DEAD now.

so i look at my hand and suddenly see like... hives or some shit. EEP! and in the smartest move of the day? i scratch and pop every little lump i find on my pinky finger. which is when i realize that it's not really hives, but contact dermatitis, and that i probably just opened myself up for an infected pinky finger. urr... yeah. real smart, honey.

so, it's been an hour and a half since i got to work, my nerves are absolutely shot, and i've got my hoodie on because it's the only comfort i'm getting this morning. i can't get warm, even though the air conditioner's not on and it's hot outside. my computer mouse DIED, and my touchpad's twitchy when i'm plugged up, so i'm having to fend for myself with shortcut keys and my alt + tab buttons. THERE ARE STILL ANTS ON MY FUCKING DESK because they're crawling up the motherfucking computer cables. my finger has fucking LEPROSY. and i may be on the verge of a nervous collapse. *dies*
wellownedbkup: (Default)
i had a long, drawn out post about how shitty today is/was. i don't feel like posting it anymore.

i accidentally deleted my response for the latest cues thing. because i don't really know if it would've fit (i didn't particularly have 2 separate scenes, so much as 5 glimpses and 1 hard look)... i don't know if i'm going to rewrite it or write something new. besides, it was depressive as heck.

everyone remember WLRS? new rock? yeah, not so much anymore. the walrus has become the home of pseudo new rock, but mostly cock rock. so i get my daily winchester driving dose, but it means i can't sing along to the stuff i know anymore either.
wellownedbkup: (pirates beware)
alright. that does it. I'M CONFUSED.

because of all the things to happen, i'm totally not prepared for Juanboy to suddenly derail a conversation. what? didn't like that i was talking about another guy while talking to you? think i only fall for dark-haired men? you jealous?

because juanboy, you sure as hell haven't staked enough of a claim on me that i'm gonna stop making friends with guys that aren't you. hell, there's been nothing to say we're dating or anything like that. so suddenly changing the topic? i know i jump topics like that. you sure as hell don't.

god, i can only find it hilarious. because, one second i'm all like "i was talking to The New Boy. and it's a shame his ex treated him like that. totally uncool." i get two txts in for that. and Juanboy's like. "yeah. so i'm planning on visiting you." nice segue there, buddy. really. i couldn't even tell that you wanted a quick topic change. how very smooth of you.

Celestine called it a triangle. what a way to make it sound sordid, baby. because apparently i love Juanboy (which i'll say is true, but i'm not too sure about), and he at least *likes* me. but so does The New Boy. which is also true. but it makes it sound so... not seedy, but clandestine and dirty as a triangle. like THE EPIC THREESOME OF DOOM from KSA. which, btw, she knows nothing about.

but. god. i finally got to talk to Juanboy again and he's jealous? tell me, then. was September a Proclamation? am i spoken for? someone make this clear to me because my love life is too much a mess right now for me to figure out.
wellownedbkup: (noir)
god save me from myself and well-meaning english boys.

ok, so i've picked up with this really decent guy i've talked to for... uh... a time? but only met in person once. (oh jeez, i'm in a fucking internet relationship.) and only briefly at that, in that i rode in the same car as him, but we didn't really, ya know, chat.

at any rate. his cousin's a rat bastard that i happened to like for a while. miami. yeah. him. and he's friends with my juanboy, who keeps fucking avoiding me online. *keyboard smash of disapproval*

so. i've kinda picked up with him. and he's really nice. like my age or thereabouts. he's pretty skilled (a carpenter, which takes actual talent, buddy). and we talk. small talk, but we talk. for long periods of time which kills me. but i worry. because he's on the rebound. he's like fresh out of a long-term relationship and I DON'T WANNA BE THAT GIRL. but, like, he's asking me if i'm seeing anyone. and if i like where i live. and like.. i dunno. dude. this is .... and i say bye like i do to *everyone* (night, darling. because pet names get me out of using real names get me some pseudo affection get me talking to everyone on the same fucking level no matter the sex). and he says "night. take care. xx."

xx. like, kisses. like... seriously? and basing that on my england experience period, that's like... wayyyy left field. like juanboy affectionate (a hug at two weeks. taking care of me for a weekend. "love ya, sis" which means everything and nothing). so is that like his goodbye to girls, period? or is that his... goodbye? or...

i could tear my hair out right now. because i haven't done anything but be myself. and this is still confusing the hell outta me. because... ok. so asking me about my home life and my dating life and telling me your personal life and talking to me for two hours? shouldn't that mean something? or am i reading too much into this again?

so here's my problem )

nothing i know can prepare me for knowing if this is a first move from the new boy. if september was a move from my juanboy. i've been told i'm too fat to be loved like... oh. i just dunno. i may possibly be what the new boy wants. i may possibly be dating my juanboy. but i'm so ill-prepared for the dating scene...

i don't know what i'm gonna do. whether i'll reciprocate with the new boy. whether that would be unfaithful to my juanboy. or if i'm just taking it all way too seriously. maybe the boys are just being friendly. maybe i'm just their opening to what hot americans they can catch (maybe not the new boy so much, as he's been to NY once, and florida 5 times... thank god for a traveling type...), or i'm the girl they can hang with and have no worries. a way to rebel against their parents (because america's a den of iniquity and sin and sodom and gomorrah just moved here instead of getting destroyed) by hanging with an american girl.....

i don't know what i'm gonna do. i fail utterly at the game. at recognizing the difference between moves and friendly overtures. because if i really am picking up with the new boy, i'm gonna become THAT GIRL, that rebound girl, that desperate loser who the guy settles for.

jesus fuck, it's too early in the morning to be having a crisis of relationships.
wellownedbkup: (Default)

i saw pomme. or, actually, he saw me, and was all like... *sing-songy* "Moooorghaaaaaaaaan!" which was freaky. to say the least.

but he was all like... "i haven't seen you in foreeeeever." *hugs* and i was so confused. and a little scared. and he asked me about getting his *girlfriend* a job. if i wasn't so nice, i'd be evil. but he's living back behind bette johnson hall (bad area to have an apartment, actually. i wouldn't be there.) with her and the band's working on a cd and i'm all like... *checks the time* "i gotta get to work."

so much for conversation, huh?

hahahah. i so didn't expect to see him today. but he hasn't changed.

by the way, it's cold outside. i'm wearing a scarf. granted, it's one i made, but it's a scarf nonetheless. and it made me happy to be warm, for once. then i walked inside and it was toasty as all get out. bah. stupid buildings. they turn on the heat and it's supposed to be 80 some odd degrees next week/this weekend. stupid zonies. stupid university.
wellownedbkup: (Default)
i think now's as good a time as any to get my month in order (that is, the end of this month and all of september).

so. here's where i cut to a different scene. )
wellownedbkup: (lesbiantea)
well, as opposed to (un)popular preconceptions (? if that's possible), i can match my clothes fairly well.

you see, i have a nice creamy beige bra to match the creamy beige summer sweater i'm wearing. and black underwear and black socks to match my black jeans and my black shoes. because, i mean, i can do that. and when my clothes fall off of me, as is their wont, then it won't matter. it won't matter that my jeans are a little big or my shoes are backless, because the black blends. and the rain drenching and stretching my sweater won't even matter because all you'll see is a teeny bit of pink embroidery. and you'll think i meant to do the whole thing that way.

though, i must say. me, my sweater and my socks don't appreciate lake UofL. nope. there's nothing we can do about it but buy an umbrella and wear closed in shoes. but hey... the discomfort of being short.

thankfully, there's chai. and warm rooms. despite the itchy.
wellownedbkup: (lesbiantea)

my tummy hurts. damn diabetic meds!!!! *shakes fist*

in other news, my andy emailed me. and i emailed back. and i went out with balthus today. i even looked cute. yay! however... i need pants. now. gah. i hate sitting at an open desk while wearing a skirt. it doesn't matter if no one's sitting in front of me. it's just... modesty. that's it.

my mom called me a southern girl today. i think she's right.

9 pm showing of X3 today!! yay for brothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that being said, it's EXTRA melty outside today. ack.
wellownedbkup: (lost)
i am having a fucking terrible day.

to go along with my fucking awful week.

to go along with my terribly shitty life.


i mean. let's count from last friday.

friday: get stuck in house due to cruising. damn. no money, no getting to work, no fun. get a letter from john (which is a plus), but can't figure out what to say.

saturday: still stuck in house due to cruising. curses parents for living in the west end. still can't figure out what to say to john.

sunday: finally free. no one wants to hang out. and my sister's a bitch and wants me to help her go get drunk. yeah right. fuck you. try to have fun... have none. ignore the letter from john.

monday: wake up early for no purpose. go to work. get a verbal warning for not coming in to work, though i told everyone... the whole time... that it's out of my control. gah. am in too much of a bad mood to write.

tuesday: forget to turn in timesheet. shit. yet another warning to come. have gained weight and feel fat and sticky. shit. uncle's in the hospital.

wednesday: turn in time sheet after having run around all day. what do i have to show for it?? dirty clothes and nothing else. get an email from my advisor. apparently i'm suspended for a semester from uofl because of my grades. shit.

thursday: wake up to no car, the rain and an aching body. the email's still there. shit. find out cousin is extremely allergic to mangos, so when i offered to go over to her house yesterday, i should've. she'd passed out and was really really on the verge of dead. swear. still haven't written to john. have to catch tarc in the rain without an umbrella. feel sick at the stomach and really wanna kill my sister. i fucking hate today.

and then friday: still have to go to work. have to also talk to someone about appealing the kicking out of school... considering i'm too sick of a person to go without a doctor for a semester. will probably finally get the second warning. jumps off a bridge to end misery. the end.

i swear. my days are slowly getting the shitty. i need to take a day where no one's around and kill me. really. here's to next week and hoping it's better. jeez.

Find your Celestial Choir

Your Silver-Age Superhero Career
LJ Username
Your alias first-name is:
Your alias last-name is:
You can turn....
You team up with... autumlion
...to battle: zombie yuppies
You petition to join: a gym
Their response: they agree, and when they all completely disrobe in celebration, you flee in terror
You are best remembered for: achieve world peace, w00t
Your heroic level: - 86%
This fun quiz by sigma7 - Taken 431 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

wellownedbkup: (wtf)
this has got to be the most brilliant thing i've heard.

i got a verbal warning. for not getting my shift covered on friday. when i gave people almost three weeks worth of warning. and talking to my SCC manager over the course of two weeks.


yes, yes. i had a pass in my car. i realize that at any other time, that would have been enough. except... you know... there's this whole thing that they closed down broadway... AND MOVED ALL THE FUCKING CRUISERS TO MY STREET AND THE SURROUNDING STREETS.

i love how even if i do everything right... i still get screwed over.

so. i got a warning for not getting my shift covered. because there were a bunch of other people who just wanted to go gamble or whatever. and, sure. i could've left earlier. yeah... leave my house at 11 to get to work at 1... i'm sure the wasted gas of me sitting in cruising traffic and getting dirty looks from cops would have been covered in my 6 dollar an hour check. yeah. cause 24 dollars (minus tax) is such a good reason to waste gas on coming to work.


fuck y'all. i don't deserve that. legitimate reason and everything, bastards.
wellownedbkup: (wtf)
i swear. it's not like i was purposely trying to fail your class. or even
drop it cause i'm failing.


it's very simple. i'm not like everyone else who fails and then tries to weasel their way out of it. nope. cause i'm a decent and fairly honest individual, i'm going to explain why i didn't come to your fucking class. and i'm going to say it very clearly.

MY FAMILY IS FUCKED UP. mental problems abound. but they're not allowed. yes yes, i know. but forgive me for not controlling the situation. you see, while i live at home, i cannot (CANNOT) go to a therapist. their house, their insurance, their rules. i'm not allowed to have issues.

so, when i get panicky at the thought of attending a class, or when i cannot force myself to even walk up the one flight of stairs to get to class... forgive me if this sounds weird... I CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT SO THAT I COULD GET SOME HELP. and when i get so depressed i may as well be in a dark room crying my eyes out and committing suicide... I STILL CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT TO GET HELP.

so. i know i haven't been in your class. i tried. and if i'd known what the drop date was... i would have dropped it.

so, forgive me if this sounds a bit weird, but i'm asking for YOUR FUCKING HELP. you don't have to give a fuck. just sign a fucking piece of paper saying you don't give a shit. i'm sure the dean's office'll understand. it's not like my tuition helps pay your salary or anything.
wellownedbkup: (wtf)
so. i've been trying to find a place to upload it. well, free, at least. (thanks to faye, i had a couple to look at, but they didn't turn out that well.)

trouble is, it's hard to find a place that'll freely upload a 387 MB video-file. yep. so. all the free sites are all like... "under 100 mb please." and i'm like... can't do that, can i? cause it's like almost 4 times that size. and to upload any bigger means paying for the site. too broke. can't do it.

so i go searching around. and i find this other site that takes up to 1 GB. (i, of course, don't know how much a GB is, so i look and see that it's 1024 MB... so cool). so i sign up for the free account and try to upload it. 10 times i try. it times out every time. i grumble. arg.

so maybe if i try to compress it. that'll do it. i try to compress it. by getting zip freeware downloaded. i download it. i zip it. IT'S STILL THE SAME SIZE. WTF???

so, after all this, i just go ahead and upload it to google video, which is free and unlimited hosting and whatever. so i've got it uploaded there. it's going through verification. it should be alright, cause you never used more than say 30 seconds of a song, did you faigler?? cause, then you should be ok. you're allowed to use that much as a sample of songs.

so, when it all gets done and they say "you can see it now" then you'll be able to go to that link and then put in title:the fragile and it'll bring it up.


Apr. 19th, 2006 01:24 pm
wellownedbkup: (attack kimono)
well. today is weird. among other things.

i've got the RP OF DOOM festering in Dani's soul. heh. and in my brain. i couldn't leave it alone, so i posted on it again. can't let it just sit there. (as for me getting on tonight, highly unlikely. there's a family discussion planned and then off to the gym. if i have a car...) i'd appreciate mary joining in at her leisure. but it'd be nice to get it over with.

then there's the fact that i haven't posted here in almost a week. apparently my life is dull.

i've got a thunder party to attend on saturday (dammit, my parents'll be there, so no hanging with catherine, though i may have to do some sneaky maneuvers on friday or sunday, depending on when she's here.). and a final test on monday for my diversity class... which takes everything as fair game. dammit. um... then it's work every day. yep. work work work. and a lunch date with mark. eventually.

i may end up on the tarc home today. my dad's working late. and my brother gets off at say... 10 tonight.


my water tastes like a grape blow pop. i hate grape.

i really have nothing to talk about save that i'm at work and i wish i wasn't. and i'll be on tarc this afternoon so i can get some rest. gah.
wellownedbkup: (lesbiantea)
my brother knows too many people for his own good. he just walked in to hand me the keys to the car (i'm working late, and must drive myself home), and suddenly he's saying hi to some girl he knows. he's such a pimp. in such a good way. not at *all* like the pimps that pimp. he's a good pimp. in that un-pimpy, pimp sort of way.

i'm so tired that made no sense and was very sensible at the same time. i'm such a retard. i've been staring at computer screens too long and i need to take a break. that's why i'm typing with my eyes closed. don't believe me? too bad. i am. or was. at least the majority of that paragraph was by memory/touch/whatever.

my phone has zero reception down here. grr...

and the guy next to me just gave an evil cackle. i don't *even* wanna know what that was about.

so. i get paid tomorrow. wOOt! that rocks. and i pay lacey back for the coffee and lunch on monday. when i'll endeavor to eat lunch with her again. if i can. maybe. but even if all else fails, i'll pay her back before she goes to class. or before i go to class. before we get done with the day. yep. i'll pay her then. all that being said, the mocha today was lovely, even if it was cold. and i'll have to get it more often... once i get money flow even. i'll prolly end up with all kinds of worries about money once i get paid. i have the feeling my check'll be like... no money whatsoever. *calculates* 6*20.5 is... 135. minus tax... somewhere around 100 or less?? grr... maybe more (i hope.).... so if i put 50 away, i'll have just enough money to fill the gas tank and then go play laser tag/go to a movie/go out to dinner... or whatever it is that i'm supposed to be doing.

and today i just worked extra hours. hee hee. like... 4 extra hours. or 3. something like that. that'll look nice in two/three/god knows how many weeks from now.

my brain just went fizzle. there's no way that i'll actually be able to focus when i get a real job. and i know they'll ban livejournal. they'll do it and i won't be happy in the least. cause that means that i'm wasting company time and they'll fire me (they would have if i'd stayed on with strand. thank god i quit before the 6 month probationary period. they'd've fired me for sure. though i will say that i did help strengthen their proxy. too many slash sites and ways around the email and yep... all that. ok. closing the parenthesis... now). it might be nice to do, in the long run. if i do get around to being a real french translator (what's the difference in being an interpretor and a translator, i wonder?}, maybe i'll work for myself and be better equipped to do my job that way.

i wish i wasn't so dependent on the net. all i do is sit at work and typetypetypetype on the net. and i only go to like... 4 sites (myspace, facebook, netmail, gmail, yahoomail, livejournal, bebo, blackboard... ok... so more like 8, but you get the picture). i check my mail, i check LJ, i check happenings for my classes and job (that's blackboard)... and that's it. i can do that in like 20 minutes. and i sit at a computer for far far FAR longer than that. no wonder my eye is twitchy. grrr... i'm such a dork. (quit with the self-deprecation. no one buys it.)

as for all else... i have nothing to talk about. i'm to the doctor tomorrow, then picking up my check (picking up?? yeah... after), then seeing what's up for the family. it might be nice to do something together. even if devon's being a bastard on all counts and my parents are trying to figure out if i'm seriously dropping out of school or not. (i'm not. there's no way around the need for a bachelor's degree in something. no place i've looked is hiring someone with my lack of experience. and i'm not not NOT doing manual labor. this girl was made for an easier job.)

though, if i did take off, i'd certainly have more time for NaNoWriMo. not that that makes any difference. i'm stuck on novels. i'm deleting half of them, as soon as i get the payment situation worked out with freeservers.

i have a hole in the side of my middle finger. ow. i need to stop biting my nails and get a grip. why can't my hands look pretty?? my fingers are all fat and short and my nails always chip if they don't get bitten. and i've got burn marks from my rings and *whines*.

hahahahah.... saturday i played boggle and the word i ended up getting that no one else had was KEEL. and all i could think of was 'i keel you!' from many journals here. i forgot it was the bottom of a boat. hahahahahahah.... ha. *wipes eyes*

this message has been brought to you by Starbucks Coffee! get your high of the day and be hyper hyper hyper as long as you can. (starbucks did not endorse this message, nor does it endorse getting high. if you have addiction problems, starbucks urges you to seek help somewhere. it does not endorse any particular institution, but feel free to ask their many caffeine-addicted employees where they get their substance abuse counseling.)

[edit: oh my god. i just filled in my tags for this entry. it read like a really choppy sentence. "bored, work random, tired today." or something. *is far too easily amused*]
wellownedbkup: (frenchxcore)

today has been eventful. and i've only been up 45 minutes.

i texted dani. she's on 2 hour delay at school. she should so take over and give us a city wide snowball fight.

and then i get a text from my international man of renown (ladies' man, man's man, man about the town) fred. apparently he's already gotten in touch with his french contacts and is looking into finding a friendly JW family i can hang around ifandwhen i should get to go to montpellier next year. that. rawks. and he tells me about some restaurant i should go to and i'm all like... *squee* you're my hero. talk about your fast acting. alas, he calls me up and wants to chitchat in french and i'm all like... *sleep* wha? he goes... "are you asleep?" me-"uhhh... sorta." him-"oh. well, have a good day. i'm going to school."

now, the only reason i'll despise him at the moment is he's also on 2 hour delay, but he gets out at 10:30. so that means... he has a massive 45 minutes in school.


and now, i'm off to get dressed. it's snowed here and i'm all whee about it. i get to wear my boots! and throw snowballs! and freeze in the 17 degree windchill!

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