i hate my sister's boyfriend

well...

i learned things.

1. no one is allowed to hurt me. ever. even on accident.
2. there is an evil place inside me where i go when i'm hurt. don't make me go there.
3. i damage myself when i don't want to hurt anyone else. i left marks because that's the only way i'll stay calm...

yeah.

[edit: this is all her boy's fault. i don't care if it was an accident, no one is allowed to hurt me. so, despite my height and short arms, i grabbed him down to my level and gave him a reason to be afraid to come near me again. his nephew--my cousin--told me not to fight him. but then he saw my eye and was ready to jump to my defense.

on the way home, he sat in front of me in the car. and i kept digging my nails into my arm, my back... anywhere i could feel it. so i wouldn't cry. so i wouldn't reach forward and slam his head into the window. so i wouldn't hurt anyone more than myself. i wanted to bleed.

i wanted to bleed so badly... and it didn't happen. i'm still not calm. but i'm avoiding. and i only have one long nail left. i didn't find a pin... or a needle... or my dad's knife. so, i must be partly ok, right? no one's happy with me, but i'm ok, right?

mama always said i had an evil streak...]

(no subject)

if i said i knew i lost her... would that make me a worse persson?