sometimes the hurt is so deep deep deep you think that you're gonna drown...

it's 4 pm. and i have nowhere to be at the moment. i have nothing to do and nothing of note to say. i'm here, and that's that.

my andy... nice to call him that and i know he's not mine in any sense of the word except that he doesn't belong in the memory of anyone but me.... he says he's saving up to come visit me at the end of this summer. july, august.

forgive me. every time i write that, it makes it seem even less real. i should stop saying it so my hopes will go down and i won't be so disappointed when he doesn't show up. because he won't. i love them, but they never come. it's only fair that they not come at all. i don't think i deserve it.

but he went offline without saying goodbye and that kinda stung. just a little. *sigh* whatever. it's not like i'm dependent on those kind of things. much. really.


like i said. nothing of note to say. maybe the weather will cooperate and i can play my lovely little rain mix--especially silver and cold by afi and rain by patty griffin.

i'm loving my little notebook. i'll miss the internet access that i don't get when i leave campus.