(no subject)

he hugs the same. he looks the same, hugs the same, and oh god. that ache. that ache, that ache, that hot and icy grip around my heart. oh, i missed him. i missed him and i missed everything.

and just sitting at the table and forgetting all about not having time and someone and...

oh, that aching hot vise.


the flight was what it was. it was hot and crowded and uncomfortable as hell and bmi is not gonna be my first choice next time, no matter how nice everything surrounding the flight is (gift baggie, menus, generally nice staff, cheaper flights, direct to manchester).

getting here wasn't bad. though, i mean, it took all day. the line to get the visa was long. totally want a british passport next time. so i can have a sit down. getting here wasn't bad at all. and the hotel (well, b&b, rather) isn't bad either. i think maybe it's in a slummier section of town. the casino across the street and stuff tells me something about it, as does the adult shop down the way. but it's like 3 blocks from the city centre, and if i'd paid attention to the bus and the stop juan pablo had us on...

i am still far too tired to handle myself right. i'm hoping my chatting won't go entirely downhill. celestine's not much help in that regard. *sigh* i wish she was more outgoing because to have two anti-social people together... *shakes head*


but she does like my boys. juan and miami. and she thinks miami is kinda cute (which proves i'm right about him in pieces). oh, i do think that this was a good trip. i do. but i don't think i can take the squeeze around my heart every time i see them, or think about them. it feels too raw, and i think i need to be farther away.

happy would be a good thing right now, i think.