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i kinda hate everything about this weekend already.
i mean, hey. a day off is awesome. two productive days off is even better, you know?
but i woke up this morning around 11 because none of my alarms rang. at all. i woke to the sound of my mother being pissed off at everything under the sun. and my father not doing anything about it. so you know what i did? i became productive. i pressed all the seams on my skirts so that we could work on waistbands or whatever, and i pinned together the stuff that was waiting for different color thread. because, well, you can't sew with grey thread on a brown skirt. so yeah.
so i press all the seams. pin the rest. try not to make noise. go sort my clothes. (and get yelled at for being in my room when there's shit else to do in the house.) do some laundry. get yelled at because i'm not being attentive to my mother's needs-- because she isn't doing anything? and wants to go sit on the porch and watch the rain fall?? WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
and because everyone's pissed, i can't borrow the car and go to dinner at dani's like i've been wanting to do forever. and my brother comes in long enough to sweep me out to go to 'star trek night' at this guy's mom's house. which, ok. cool. i don't mind because at least it's not home.
but i get to come home to a lecture about my spiritual state and conscience because dude's brother comes in a surprise visit. with his SO. so, because i didn't leave in a disgusted huff, i'm clearly a bad JW. and because my brother didn't leave, he's a bad JW. and because i bring up this other guy who's supposed to be an example and a leader and he didn't move, i'm in even more trouble. because it's not about him. it's about *this* household and blah blah blah.
i'm so fucking tired. i had pudding and rum and juice and i threw it all out because i just didn't want to be downstairs with them anymore. which made the situation worse because clearly my spirituality is a low because i was more disgusted with the conversation than i was with the company i was keeping.
i understand why people are driven to drink. why everyone wants out from under their parents' thumb. my god. this trip could be the worst experience of my life, hands down, and it would still be a damned sight better than staying at home. i could come back fucking BRAIN DEAD and it would still be better than staying here.
i'm not staying. i'm graduating and moving the fuck out. i don't give a damn about whether she needs help or not. maybe i'll move down to florida for the interim, yeah? can't stay here.
i mean, hey. a day off is awesome. two productive days off is even better, you know?
but i woke up this morning around 11 because none of my alarms rang. at all. i woke to the sound of my mother being pissed off at everything under the sun. and my father not doing anything about it. so you know what i did? i became productive. i pressed all the seams on my skirts so that we could work on waistbands or whatever, and i pinned together the stuff that was waiting for different color thread. because, well, you can't sew with grey thread on a brown skirt. so yeah.
so i press all the seams. pin the rest. try not to make noise. go sort my clothes. (and get yelled at for being in my room when there's shit else to do in the house.) do some laundry. get yelled at because i'm not being attentive to my mother's needs-- because she isn't doing anything? and wants to go sit on the porch and watch the rain fall?? WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
and because everyone's pissed, i can't borrow the car and go to dinner at dani's like i've been wanting to do forever. and my brother comes in long enough to sweep me out to go to 'star trek night' at this guy's mom's house. which, ok. cool. i don't mind because at least it's not home.
but i get to come home to a lecture about my spiritual state and conscience because dude's brother comes in a surprise visit. with his SO. so, because i didn't leave in a disgusted huff, i'm clearly a bad JW. and because my brother didn't leave, he's a bad JW. and because i bring up this other guy who's supposed to be an example and a leader and he didn't move, i'm in even more trouble. because it's not about him. it's about *this* household and blah blah blah.
i'm so fucking tired. i had pudding and rum and juice and i threw it all out because i just didn't want to be downstairs with them anymore. which made the situation worse because clearly my spirituality is a low because i was more disgusted with the conversation than i was with the company i was keeping.
i understand why people are driven to drink. why everyone wants out from under their parents' thumb. my god. this trip could be the worst experience of my life, hands down, and it would still be a damned sight better than staying at home. i could come back fucking BRAIN DEAD and it would still be better than staying here.
i'm not staying. i'm graduating and moving the fuck out. i don't give a damn about whether she needs help or not. maybe i'll move down to florida for the interim, yeah? can't stay here.
