(no subject)
Sep. 8th, 2007 12:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wellownedbkupso, even though we finally had a ride, we slept until 12, so there wasn't gonna be any way for us to bathe and dress before she came to get us. so. no wedding. i can't bring myself to be happy or sad about it. my head hurts and my stomach's upset, so that is what it is.
everything below my knees kind of aches and is numb, so well, that is what it is. whatever. i feel good otherwise.
i'm not sure telling celestine what i've been debating is a good idea. because crying and being maudlin at 2 in the morning isn't my idea of a brilliant conversation. alas, it is what it is, right? we talked and that was that. she hugged me because i think i needed it. but, it just made me sniffle more. because i don't understand it.
(the jist of the matter is this: i miss my boys. and when i saw them for the first time, there was a raw pain around my heart. and i don't know what it means. because if this is love, someone lied to me about it not being destructive. and i won't say a word about it being worse around my juanboy.)
but i noticed something. he has a terrible self-image (i've got a better one, actually, and that says something), and treats compliments worse than i do. in that yes he's actually good-looking. and he'd probably look nice without his glasses (janet told him so once, and he hasn't taken off his glasses in public since)... but he's all... i think we decided he measures himself against miami and feels like he's falling short. which isn't true. you can't compare them. because no one wants a conceited ass like miami when you could have an affectionate best friend in juanboy. at least, not me. i need a best friend.
but, that's how it goes. i'm not prepared for this. i'm not prepared for how i feel. i'm not prepared for him... i guess.
so we slept in late this morning because we couldn't hold off a conversation past 3 and 4 in the morning. jeez.
everything below my knees kind of aches and is numb, so well, that is what it is. whatever. i feel good otherwise.
i'm not sure telling celestine what i've been debating is a good idea. because crying and being maudlin at 2 in the morning isn't my idea of a brilliant conversation. alas, it is what it is, right? we talked and that was that. she hugged me because i think i needed it. but, it just made me sniffle more. because i don't understand it.
(the jist of the matter is this: i miss my boys. and when i saw them for the first time, there was a raw pain around my heart. and i don't know what it means. because if this is love, someone lied to me about it not being destructive. and i won't say a word about it being worse around my juanboy.)
but i noticed something. he has a terrible self-image (i've got a better one, actually, and that says something), and treats compliments worse than i do. in that yes he's actually good-looking. and he'd probably look nice without his glasses (janet told him so once, and he hasn't taken off his glasses in public since)... but he's all... i think we decided he measures himself against miami and feels like he's falling short. which isn't true. you can't compare them. because no one wants a conceited ass like miami when you could have an affectionate best friend in juanboy. at least, not me. i need a best friend.
but, that's how it goes. i'm not prepared for this. i'm not prepared for how i feel. i'm not prepared for him... i guess.
so we slept in late this morning because we couldn't hold off a conversation past 3 and 4 in the morning. jeez.
