(no subject)

[wellownedbkup]

i'm kinda sick of my grandmother.

we live in her house, you know? just... the same living arrangement as i've always had. and it works, most of the time.

i just... i'm so *sick* of her. i don't think she was always this pedantic about everything. it's like nothing i do is right. i've had pretty much zero time to myself in the past 5 months. i've had school, work, taking care of mom and still trying to keep myself mentally balanced. today? i did everything i was supposed to do, and some. and still got some kind of guilt trip over not doing the dishes.

the hell, you say. my brother? spent more time at home than me today, and did precisely a fifth of what i did. cook? me. clean? me. play video games? him. and i'm the one who's ungrateful and lazy?

if this is what i'm gonna have to put up with, she can keep her thousand. i'll blow off poland and try the next go-round.


i'm sorry. i'm just tired. i've got a lot on my mind and i wonder if i can even manage to make it through these next 6 months.

Comments

[hoveringon.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight* ♥

How is your mother doing?

[wellowned.livejournal.com]

she's a lot better for being on meds. she had been in an adult diaper, but we kinda found out that she was allergic? but only after she's damaged the skin down there almost irreparably.

that being said, she is a lot better. more mobile most of the time. which is a relief.

*hugs back*

[hoveringon.livejournal.com]

Aw, that's good to *hear*.

*sighs* They have their good days and bad. It's very hard seeing my mom in pain like today. She can barely walk. I'm trying to be strong for her, but I'm breaking inside. You think they're going to be strong and live forever and then this happens. I can't get my head around it.

[wellowned.livejournal.com]

exactly how i feel. my mom's been not 100% for a long time--she had an accident at work about 15 years ago, and it's been pretty downhill ever since. it feels like she's been sick my whole life. :(

and it's hard being strong *all the time*. i mean, she's my *mom* and she's been able to take on the world but this is taking her down. it's freaky.

what's your mom doing when she gets down?

[hoveringon.livejournal.com]

She looks so feeble when she's in pain. Her legs are weak, her body is stiff. She's fallen a couple of times and I wasn't fast enough to catch her. Urg. She shakes and her face is in a deep frown. I feel like I'm looking at the future when she's 80 or something. I hate it.