![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Aug. 6th, 2004 08:11 ami guess i should feel slighted. because... well, my parents just out and told me that i get less because devon's the baby and the baby always gets more. the first and the baby.
they were pissed because instead of staying with devon for forever... i left. they hated it that i said i'd watch over her and then didn't know where she was. and yes ariel, you can laugh. she was at bon air. it's really not my fault that she misunderstood. maybe i went out to the movies in indiana. or way out somewhere. because ariel drives.
they said some things need to change. that i really need to drop everyone i know as friends. friends are temporary. and you know what? i don't blame them. there are days when i feel like no one here cares shit about me. but hey. i'm not letting y'all go. not yet. if, by the time college is over, we're still friends, then we'll get together. it's only fair. but... as for phone calls and letters and the like... it has to stop. you won't get much help being friends from my end. i'll continue to post here because here feels like home. i just won't be making phone calls during the day to see how you are. i won't be writing to you as much as i'd like... if ever.
the trouble with yesterday was i kept giving off these evil "i'm hiding something" smiles while they lectured me. singing silverchair "i'm something you don't know..." beneath my breath as they told me that i should give them the password to my email. because brian did. because they know i'm hiding that i'm still friends with everyone. true. but, if brian hadn't needed something straight off... then he wouldn't have given it out. it's a matter of privacy. i hate it when everyone believes that there's something hidden. even if there is, it's just that i'd like to have something my parents don't know about. where i can talk about them and get help and not worry them with the nothing that's on my mind.
they said they didn't want to discipline us in front of Nayders and Aunt Charlotte. that they didn't need to hear about all of this. because everything is balanced on the fact that nayders is not a part of the immediate family and doesn't need to add in her two cents. and charlotte is so sick and she relies so heavily on devon that it would upset a fragile peace that's settled on the house.
there is no peace in that house.
i feel slighted. because, when i want something to change, i can't get it done. because... i don't have the heart to tell them that they should just leave me alone. that i'm not what they think i am. that i'll never be what they want.
they were pissed because instead of staying with devon for forever... i left. they hated it that i said i'd watch over her and then didn't know where she was. and yes ariel, you can laugh. she was at bon air. it's really not my fault that she misunderstood. maybe i went out to the movies in indiana. or way out somewhere. because ariel drives.
they said some things need to change. that i really need to drop everyone i know as friends. friends are temporary. and you know what? i don't blame them. there are days when i feel like no one here cares shit about me. but hey. i'm not letting y'all go. not yet. if, by the time college is over, we're still friends, then we'll get together. it's only fair. but... as for phone calls and letters and the like... it has to stop. you won't get much help being friends from my end. i'll continue to post here because here feels like home. i just won't be making phone calls during the day to see how you are. i won't be writing to you as much as i'd like... if ever.
the trouble with yesterday was i kept giving off these evil "i'm hiding something" smiles while they lectured me. singing silverchair "i'm something you don't know..." beneath my breath as they told me that i should give them the password to my email. because brian did. because they know i'm hiding that i'm still friends with everyone. true. but, if brian hadn't needed something straight off... then he wouldn't have given it out. it's a matter of privacy. i hate it when everyone believes that there's something hidden. even if there is, it's just that i'd like to have something my parents don't know about. where i can talk about them and get help and not worry them with the nothing that's on my mind.
they said they didn't want to discipline us in front of Nayders and Aunt Charlotte. that they didn't need to hear about all of this. because everything is balanced on the fact that nayders is not a part of the immediate family and doesn't need to add in her two cents. and charlotte is so sick and she relies so heavily on devon that it would upset a fragile peace that's settled on the house.
there is no peace in that house.
i feel slighted. because, when i want something to change, i can't get it done. because... i don't have the heart to tell them that they should just leave me alone. that i'm not what they think i am. that i'll never be what they want.
