(no subject)

so exhausted. so drained. need this sinus problem to go the hell away.

went to the beach tonight. fat lot of good it did, walking around on wet sand where the tide's gone out in the dark. i've got a group picture, and that's it. nothing else. then going to a pub and watching celestine drink a half pint of something, and then a whiskey something or other (dram booley?) that happens to be a local thing. hate liquor, don't really like all that, but whatever. at least she won't keep bugging me for it.

also, i've come to terms with the fact that i have an addictive personality. that's why i read romance novels (still), and why i watch tv shows and why i eat like i do. i'll buy beer. and i'll just drink it because it's there. not that i like or don't like it. not that i'm trying to mellow out after a rough day or not. just cause it's in the fridge, i'll drink it. that's a problem. too much alcoholism makes me imagine that i'll eat because i can, not because i'm hungry or not. i'll read romance novels and watch creepy tv shows, not because it's a bit of escapism, so much as i'm doing it because it's there, because i can, because it ticks a box for me. alcohol, food, media... i'm addicted to stuff because i like the box it ticks for em.

so, yes. i think that's why i don't drink in public and swear i don't like alcohol. i think that's why i'm as fat as i am. i think i'm addicted... or, at any rate, i could be. and indulging the food addiction is generally less harmful than alcoholism.

but that's beside the point. still allergic to the cat, though i've got meds to help me out. my sinuses hate me, but whatever. it's alright in the end. still exhausted to no end. but a bed's better than none at all. plus, jeez, the views.

otherwise, all's well. wish i had the internet, but what can you do?

(no subject)

my throat hurts, i've got a cough, my eyes are dry and my mouth feels fuzzy. must've had a decent pill-induced sleep, then. because i don't feel as sick (oh, i feel sick, but it's more like the clear-headed stuffy of at the beach last night) as i did yesterday/day before yesterday.

my muscles don't ache so much anymore either. though... i mean, whatever.

i need up. i need to get up, but someone's in the shower. and we don't like that. we meaning me and celestine, not the royal we or whatever.

i forgot to tell you, our accents make people laugh. i mean, i don't so much ask anyone to repeat anymore, but i got asked to lots last night. which kinda sucks. i guess whatever.

i've really got nothing new since last night. whatever.

(no subject)

celestine, i'm not taking you anywhere anymore. i'd rather travel on my own. because, dammit, i like being left alone sometimes. i like tht i wouldn't have to deal with your stupidity. i like that my hopes wouldn't be so frikkin dashed because you've been pumping away at them. really. i'd appreciate you not traveling with me ever again.

so. the group. and poker and go fish today. that's about it. at least vacation is the same everywhere. on your off day, you do nothing. on your vacation... nothing. whatever. i just. sheesh. really wish i'd made real plans. wish i coulda stayed in derby longer. hang out longer. wish i could... i dunno. go home, i guess. it's not homesickness, it's car nostalgia.

i want my car. it sucked, but it got me where i wanted to go. and that's the most important thing. the most missed thing. i just want to be able to leave when i like, come back when i like, and not have to deal with all this... stuff. with HER. with dependency on others. just wish it was more a chance to get away and around and... AWAY.

whatever. i know better next time. and i'll leave the car when i get to london. i think. i don't wanna pay the congestion charge. so no. but any other time... (i'll just leave it in a carpark outside the city. longterm parking. yeah. that shouldn't be bad, right?

tomorrow? i don't even think there's plans. i think it's even more laid back than the rest of the time here. even more laid back, if that's possible. one of us is going to tesco's for fabric softener, and that's it. well, i think maybe we'll go shopping for saturday eating, but that's about all. not sure if there's anything else to worry about. and then monday, it's the big touristy day. edinburgh castle, and buying postcards and tees, princes street... the royal mile (ouch. may i have pre-emptive advil?)... shouldn't be bad, right? whatever. it's touristy. yay, touristy.

(also, chinese was soooooooo good tonight. though, i really want something else. i want... something. *shrug*)