(no subject)

so, tomorrow's the last full day in edinburgh. and what're we doing? uh... maybe going back to the main strip and do a little more shopping. and bowling. nothing's different this time, either. i guess i didn't expect anything to really be different, but i guess i wanted SOMETHING.

actually, scratch that. i wanted SOMEONE. not so much something as someone. and that someone turned into HIM. which, although it sounds nice now, is probably the worst idea ever. didn't i say that i would be the worst for him? because i want him happy, i don't need to be more than the 'friend he needs' in his life? i don't need to be more than that. i don't need to be the 'love of his life' in his life. i don't. it's that simple. i said that. i told everyone that. and i find myself wanting to be so much more. find myself wanting to do so much more so that he'll notice me.

i'm so tired of this, actually. i need to just plan out a trip myself next time. i need to be anyone but myself next time.

if that's even possible.