living on tulsa time

god save me from myself and well-meaning english boys.


ok, so i've picked up with this really decent guy i've talked to for... uh... a time? but only met in person once. (oh jeez, i'm in a fucking internet relationship.) and only briefly at that, in that i rode in the same car as him, but we didn't really, ya know, chat.

at any rate. his cousin's a rat bastard that i happened to like for a while. miami. yeah. him. and he's friends with my juanboy, who keeps fucking avoiding me online. *keyboard smash of disapproval*

so. i've kinda picked up with him. and he's really nice. like my age or thereabouts. he's pretty skilled (a carpenter, which takes actual talent, buddy). and we talk. small talk, but we talk. for long periods of time which kills me. but i worry. because he's on the rebound. he's like fresh out of a long-term relationship and I DON'T WANNA BE THAT GIRL. but, like, he's asking me if i'm seeing anyone. and if i like where i live. and like.. i dunno. dude. this is .... and i say bye like i do to *everyone* (night, darling. because pet names get me out of using real names get me some pseudo affection get me talking to everyone on the same fucking level no matter the sex). and he says "night. take care. xx."

xx. like, kisses. like... seriously? and basing that on my england experience period, that's like... wayyyy left field. like juanboy affectionate (a hug at two weeks. taking care of me for a weekend. "love ya, sis" which means everything and nothing). so is that like his goodbye to girls, period? or is that his... goodbye? or...


i could tear my hair out right now. because i haven't done anything but be myself. and this is still confusing the hell outta me. because... ok. so asking me about my home life and my dating life and telling me your personal life and talking to me for two hours? shouldn't that mean something? or am i reading too much into this again?

( so here's my problem )

nothing i know can prepare me for knowing if this is a first move from the new boy. if september was a move from my juanboy. i've been told i'm too fat to be loved like... oh. i just dunno. i may possibly be what the new boy wants. i may possibly be dating my juanboy. but i'm so ill-prepared for the dating scene...


i don't know what i'm gonna do. whether i'll reciprocate with the new boy. whether that would be unfaithful to my juanboy. or if i'm just taking it all way too seriously. maybe the boys are just being friendly. maybe i'm just their opening to what hot americans they can catch (maybe not the new boy so much, as he's been to NY once, and florida 5 times... thank god for a traveling type...), or i'm the girl they can hang with and have no worries. a way to rebel against their parents (because america's a den of iniquity and sin and sodom and gomorrah just moved here instead of getting destroyed) by hanging with an american girl.....

i don't know what i'm gonna do. i fail utterly at the game. at recognizing the difference between moves and friendly overtures. because if i really am picking up with the new boy, i'm gonna become THAT GIRL, that rebound girl, that desperate loser who the guy settles for.


jesus fuck, it's too early in the morning to be having a crisis of relationships.

LJ Content Strike

copied from lecollage, with permission.



For those of you who don't already know, there has been a strike scheduled for Friday, March 21st, 2008, during which we hope to have many members of LiveJournal provide LJ with absolutely no content for twenty-four hours. This means no posting and no commenting. If you post elsewhere and have it set up to be posted through a feed on LiveJournal, don't do it. Stay away from LiveJournal for twenty-four hours. That can't be too hard, can it? I know some of you are probably quite active on LiveJournal and will find it hard to stay away for an entire day, just as I will, but this is something that needs to be done, to show the people running LiveJournal that we're watching the changes they are making, that we're paying attention, that we're discontent, and that we want to be heard and taken in to consideration. We are not simply users who can be tossed to the side and ignored. We are the people who make up LiveJournal. Without us, without the content we create, without our words, our voices, our creativity, our participation, there would be no LiveJournal. This is a fact, and it needs to be realized and understood and then taken in to consideration when making decisions regarding the way that LiveJournal is run. The strike is only a few days away, so there isn't all too much time to prepare. While this is unfortunate, it isn't enough to keep this strike from taking place. It will take place, the second it is meant to, and it would be best to have as many people take part as possible. Please, spread the word. Spread it fast. There are only a few days to organize this. If you find that you care about LiveJournal or care about the people you interact with on LiveJournal or simply want it to remain a place where you can entertain yourself without constant censorship and money-hungry practices being thrown in without the consideration of those who use the service, act now. If you don't wish to spread the word, that is fine, but please: refrain from using LiveJournal on Friday, March 21st. Do something else for a change. It's for a good cause. (:

For background on this strike and why it is being held, please read the following posts:
http://beckyzoole.livejournal.com/394838.html
http://beckyzoole.livejournal.com/395310.html

To find out exactly when the strike begins and ends, depending on where you are located, please see this:
http://beckyzoole.livejournal.com/395125.html

What's this about?

* It's about free and ad-free LiveJournal accounts being abolished for new members, ignoring the advice from the newly-formed Advisory Board.
* It's about LJ staff trying to sneak this decision in under the radar, and when people found out, telling the users it was done 'to make the signup process less confusing'.
* It's about LJ staff failing to apologize for trying to hide the facts from view and for lying about the actual reasons for their actions.
* And finally, it's about the latest decision to hide certain user interests from the list of Most Popular Interests, some of them being fanfiction, bisexuality, sex and depression. This decision was not announced or explained in any way. Users found out for themselves.

-Taken from the journal of m03m

AND ICONS TO SUPPORT THIS: