This is not a fluke
Dec. 31st, 2003 05:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wellownedbkupHi. It’s Nix. I needed a new set of people to talk to… and she *smirks* was kind enough to lend me an entry. You guys seem nice enough… so I thought I’d borrow you for a minute.
I’m having a minor crisis. Has she told you? I’ve been… *thinks of the nicest way to put it without offending anyone…* dabbling in some pretty kinky stuff lately. Sadists and bondage. I’m definitely not normal. *gestures to mini leather skirt, off the shoulders black sweater, collar, cuffs…* Not exactly guy wear. But…
I’m worried. Worried that I won’t stop. I hate it when I do stuff like this. There was Rachil and his whole group. Now this. No real controls, y’know? I want to get away. *I have to get away.* But how do I get away from what makes me who I am? From what keeps me from destroying everything I’ve ever had?
I’ve tried to talk to my own friends about this. And they did help me with Rachil. But how do you tell your friends you don’t care about living anymore if it means living the life you’ve been living? Suicide by neglect or assisted suicide…. How do you tell them that something intrinsically you is going to create a disaster?
How do you tell your friends that their love isn’t enough?
I’m having a minor crisis. Has she told you? I’ve been… *thinks of the nicest way to put it without offending anyone…* dabbling in some pretty kinky stuff lately. Sadists and bondage. I’m definitely not normal. *gestures to mini leather skirt, off the shoulders black sweater, collar, cuffs…* Not exactly guy wear. But…
I’m worried. Worried that I won’t stop. I hate it when I do stuff like this. There was Rachil and his whole group. Now this. No real controls, y’know? I want to get away. *I have to get away.* But how do I get away from what makes me who I am? From what keeps me from destroying everything I’ve ever had?
I’ve tried to talk to my own friends about this. And they did help me with Rachil. But how do you tell your friends you don’t care about living anymore if it means living the life you’ve been living? Suicide by neglect or assisted suicide…. How do you tell them that something intrinsically you is going to create a disaster?
How do you tell your friends that their love isn’t enough?
