(no subject)

[wellownedbkup]

it's 5 am. i'm not enjoying tonight. i'm feeling feverish, with a side of hyper. i'm so tired, really. i've been trying to go to sleep for the past 5 hours. i've watched 3 movies, including both High School Musicals. yes. that's what i said.

i've got work in about 5 hours as well. less, if i get there early enough. i'm thinking i may go in early and leave early. haha. funny, right? i'm finding i've got decent hours for working this semester, given that i go to work with my parents. i give myself a half an hour to get to work at that point. now i just gotta buy better work clothes. typique, n'est-ce pas?

i don't approve of the incongrous, disjointed big numbers at the end of the musicals. they don't fit. heh.

it's still 5 am. and nothing's changed in the past five minutes. my dad's fish tank is unceasingly loud. my brother's far far away and i kinda miss him. but not nearly as much as i miss having friends. i feel like shit for bailing on pip so many times. well, pip and everyone else that was around. shit, i'm a horrible friend. all because......

i don't make enough money to live on my own. i'm not clever enough by half, and my family hasn't got the funds to set me up. my credit score is probably shit right now. if i thought i could live with someone, i would. but i'm crap at relationships. i've got no goals, no future, no past to speak of. i'm just a broke dropout with insomnia and a restricted life. me?? i'm over there, behind the bars, rattling my cup at my cage.

and what the fuck good would it do me to be on my own? i'm not....



it's too early in the morning for a crisis, and i'm too young to be regretting my mistakes. forgive me, kiddies, if i'm a shit friend. i don't mean to be. life's been dealing me hands full of diamonds and clubs, and not a spade worth having. i can't make a book walk to save my life, spit on the table or no.

(spades card game analogies aside, i don't mean to be so screwy to you all. not nearly enough time has passed for me to feel this alone and for us to have moved this far apart.)


it's 5 am, and i'm starving. it's not the first time i've been up this late for no purpose but that i can't sleep.but it's one of the first times i wish i was anything but awake.

Comments

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

Set at least one goal for yourself, then take the steps to make it come true. It will give you some direction and a sense of purpose. It doesn't have to be big and scary like "buy my own house"; you can start with small goals, such as "save enough money to afford a weekend getaway".

No matter what, don't be so down on yourself, nor doubt your own self worth.