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Nov. 2nd, 2006 06:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wellownedbkupFrom Alex.
Lightening:
If the quiet ones commit the crimes, I was guilty. I just did not know of what yet. I relaxed back into the bed and smiled up at Gage lazily.
"What're you smiling about?"
I shook my head. You're a dream, I signed.
"Thank you," Gage said, blushing faintly. "I almost agree… if it was you we were talking about."
Me? I asked.
"Yes, you." Gage kissed my forehead softly. "What makes you think otherwise?”
I blushed. Dunno. Afraid.
“Afraid? Of what?”
Dreams disappear. And mocked by hopeless longing to regain, as the poet says. I shrugged. If I try too hard… I feel like I’ll lose you, I admitted sheepishly.
“Aww, sweetheart,” Gage sighed. “I am always yours.”
Always? I smiled softly. I like the sound of that.
Gage plopped himself down on the bed, setting me on his lap. “Always is all I have ever wanted.”
I grinned widely and tried to hold it back. You sound so romantic. Been practicing much? Gage laughed and shook his head. That caused me to drop my head and give a silent sob. Gage stopped immediately and stared.
“Alex? Sweetheart?” He tilted my head up and searched those tear-moistened depths for an answer. “What is it, love?”
A tear slid slowly down my cheek. I wish I could hear you laugh, I signed simply and brushed the tear away. Before Gage could find a proper reply, I sighed shakily. Gage, I am missing out on so much. I can’t speak. I don’t always hear everything. I am blessed with sight and hands, but for those two abilities, God took away how I could be with you in everything. I don’t want to be me if I can’t have all of you.
Gage was speechless for a moment. He signed the little bit he could remember on his own. I dream of you. How often does the dream seek out the dreamer? “I love you, Alex. You and no one else. Why would you want to be anything but you?”
I want to be someone not mocked by all the things I have lost. I want to tell you how I feel without substituting simplicity for meaning. I frowned. Do you know how hard it is to cut every sentence down to the bare minimum and then hear someone speak so eloquently… so beautifully? It hurts me, love. I ran my fingers lightly down my arms and turned away from Gage, comforted by the abrasive scars on my fingertips.
I never heard Gage pull on his clothes and leave, the key to the door tossed into a bowl of marbles, clinking in finality.
Nor did I hear the slam of brakes outside my apartment and the dull thuds of a body meeting metal, asphalt and his Maker.
Her smile waned as I picked up the razor. I would not cut myself… would I? Not on a day like today, with lightening flashing outside my window like a lightbar on a squad car. Not with her standing right there, surely. I twirled it between my fingers, the dull tip digging into the pads on my fingertips. She asked me again about him, hoping to distract me somehow. I answered every question easily, all the while watching the light glint and flash from the honed sharp edge of the blade.
She touched my wrist lightly, drawing my eyes from my macabre reverie. “You do not have to cut yourself, you know.” I think to open my mouth, to tell her without sound how I do need this. To refute that simplistic sentence somehow.
But a tear breaks me before I find the power and the words to deliver me. I hear the hollow metallic clink as the razor slips to the table and I fall to my knees, sobbing soundlessly in her lap.
“Damn you,” she said, picking up the knife and tossing it into the sink. “Did you think that no one cared?”
“I am sorry, Luke,” I whispered weakly, tears straining at my eyes.
She pulled me out of the tub gently, binding my wrists in gauze. I watched helplessly, murmuring my apologies over and over. She shushed me with a kiss to my forehead.
“I worry. Did you think I stopped caring? Did you forget that I love you?”
“You… love me?”
She set my wrists down gently and held my face in her hands. “More than life and breath. More than I have ever loved anyone before. If you die… I die.” She pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, both cheeks and gently took my lips with her own. I moved my hands up tentatively to her hair, tangling my fingers in her fairy tale locks. She rested her head against my own and I watched in wonder as tears fell from her eyes.
“Love…”
“I can’t lose you.” Her breath rattled out in a mournful sigh. “Not now, not ever. Tell me you see that.”
I pulled her close, letting our tears drench each other’s shoulders and ignoring the twinges of pain in my still bleeding wounds. “I am not going anywhere. Believe that.”
And the sirens wailed and lights flashed on the chrome accents on the bathroom walls, never touching us. Nothing ever touches us. She wraps her arms around my head, my neck, my shoulders, trying to hold me to her as best she can to comfort me.
Lightening:
If the quiet ones commit the crimes, I was guilty. I just did not know of what yet. I relaxed back into the bed and smiled up at Gage lazily.
"What're you smiling about?"
I shook my head. You're a dream, I signed.
"Thank you," Gage said, blushing faintly. "I almost agree… if it was you we were talking about."
Me? I asked.
"Yes, you." Gage kissed my forehead softly. "What makes you think otherwise?”
I blushed. Dunno. Afraid.
“Afraid? Of what?”
Dreams disappear. And mocked by hopeless longing to regain, as the poet says. I shrugged. If I try too hard… I feel like I’ll lose you, I admitted sheepishly.
“Aww, sweetheart,” Gage sighed. “I am always yours.”
Always? I smiled softly. I like the sound of that.
Gage plopped himself down on the bed, setting me on his lap. “Always is all I have ever wanted.”
I grinned widely and tried to hold it back. You sound so romantic. Been practicing much? Gage laughed and shook his head. That caused me to drop my head and give a silent sob. Gage stopped immediately and stared.
“Alex? Sweetheart?” He tilted my head up and searched those tear-moistened depths for an answer. “What is it, love?”
A tear slid slowly down my cheek. I wish I could hear you laugh, I signed simply and brushed the tear away. Before Gage could find a proper reply, I sighed shakily. Gage, I am missing out on so much. I can’t speak. I don’t always hear everything. I am blessed with sight and hands, but for those two abilities, God took away how I could be with you in everything. I don’t want to be me if I can’t have all of you.
Gage was speechless for a moment. He signed the little bit he could remember on his own. I dream of you. How often does the dream seek out the dreamer? “I love you, Alex. You and no one else. Why would you want to be anything but you?”
I want to be someone not mocked by all the things I have lost. I want to tell you how I feel without substituting simplicity for meaning. I frowned. Do you know how hard it is to cut every sentence down to the bare minimum and then hear someone speak so eloquently… so beautifully? It hurts me, love. I ran my fingers lightly down my arms and turned away from Gage, comforted by the abrasive scars on my fingertips.
I never heard Gage pull on his clothes and leave, the key to the door tossed into a bowl of marbles, clinking in finality.
Nor did I hear the slam of brakes outside my apartment and the dull thuds of a body meeting metal, asphalt and his Maker.
Her smile waned as I picked up the razor. I would not cut myself… would I? Not on a day like today, with lightening flashing outside my window like a lightbar on a squad car. Not with her standing right there, surely. I twirled it between my fingers, the dull tip digging into the pads on my fingertips. She asked me again about him, hoping to distract me somehow. I answered every question easily, all the while watching the light glint and flash from the honed sharp edge of the blade.
She touched my wrist lightly, drawing my eyes from my macabre reverie. “You do not have to cut yourself, you know.” I think to open my mouth, to tell her without sound how I do need this. To refute that simplistic sentence somehow.
But a tear breaks me before I find the power and the words to deliver me. I hear the hollow metallic clink as the razor slips to the table and I fall to my knees, sobbing soundlessly in her lap.
“Damn you,” she said, picking up the knife and tossing it into the sink. “Did you think that no one cared?”
“I am sorry, Luke,” I whispered weakly, tears straining at my eyes.
She pulled me out of the tub gently, binding my wrists in gauze. I watched helplessly, murmuring my apologies over and over. She shushed me with a kiss to my forehead.
“I worry. Did you think I stopped caring? Did you forget that I love you?”
“You… love me?”
She set my wrists down gently and held my face in her hands. “More than life and breath. More than I have ever loved anyone before. If you die… I die.” She pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, both cheeks and gently took my lips with her own. I moved my hands up tentatively to her hair, tangling my fingers in her fairy tale locks. She rested her head against my own and I watched in wonder as tears fell from her eyes.
“Love…”
“I can’t lose you.” Her breath rattled out in a mournful sigh. “Not now, not ever. Tell me you see that.”
I pulled her close, letting our tears drench each other’s shoulders and ignoring the twinges of pain in my still bleeding wounds. “I am not going anywhere. Believe that.”
And the sirens wailed and lights flashed on the chrome accents on the bathroom walls, never touching us. Nothing ever touches us. She wraps her arms around my head, my neck, my shoulders, trying to hold me to her as best she can to comfort me.
