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Nov. 8th, 2006 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wellownedbkupAbout Alex.
Dark:
He does not like living by himself, but it is one of the few things that keeps him safe. Tyler and Kyden have moved in together and away from him because of the baby. Or, rather, they moved to be nearer the baby. Alex did not fight the move, only because he had been away again, so long away, that he had not know Tyler was moving out until he had returned in time to see his former flat mate carry the last of his stuff out of their home. In his travels, he never thought that he would miss out on something like that. But Tyler moved out, leaving him alone again.
Baba left him, only a few months before Tyler moved out. His Baba, his grandmother, had died while Alex was gallivanting about the Continent, losing himself in hostel after hostel, empty moor and crowded city. He had not even thought to call her, had not thought that it was possible for her to leave him. He came home, for her funeral, to find that she had left him everything she had owned. She loved him, he knew, and wanted to give him what his immediate family had not, or could not. As they buried her, Alex had broken down in public, not wanting to see the dark black soil cover her final resting place.
Alex sleeps with a nightlight, a holdover from his childhood. It was a weakness that his father could not tolerate, a weakness that made it easier for his father to hurt him at every occasion. Jude... claimed it was a form of ‘tough love,’ that it was his way of making his son stronger. Why should he have had to deal with a son who was weak and afraid? Where was the honor and pride in that?
Alex is a grown man, afraid to sleep in the dark. In the dark, he can see how twisted his mind is. He can see how lonely he will always be. He is afraid to be in a room with his own thoughts. In his thoughts, there are ghosts of the people he has known and loved. His mother visits him in moments of need, whispering words in Russian that, when he awakens, when he is lucid, he does not know and cannot remember. He wants desperately to know, but he cannot follow her into the darkness that she invites him into. He is too afraid, even to grab his mother’s hand in dreams. He can see his Baba, soothing him as his mother departs time and again. He can feel Gage staring at him accusatorily, waiting for something Alex does not know, or cannot give. He feels it, and knows that Gage will be waiting for him when he is no longer a part of this world, and will demand it from him.
Alex sleeps with lights blazing, as if it would chase back his demons and make him sane. He can see himself slipping, falling into the darkness, time and again. There in the darkness, he is running and scared and haunted by what is gone.
Dark:
He does not like living by himself, but it is one of the few things that keeps him safe. Tyler and Kyden have moved in together and away from him because of the baby. Or, rather, they moved to be nearer the baby. Alex did not fight the move, only because he had been away again, so long away, that he had not know Tyler was moving out until he had returned in time to see his former flat mate carry the last of his stuff out of their home. In his travels, he never thought that he would miss out on something like that. But Tyler moved out, leaving him alone again.
Baba left him, only a few months before Tyler moved out. His Baba, his grandmother, had died while Alex was gallivanting about the Continent, losing himself in hostel after hostel, empty moor and crowded city. He had not even thought to call her, had not thought that it was possible for her to leave him. He came home, for her funeral, to find that she had left him everything she had owned. She loved him, he knew, and wanted to give him what his immediate family had not, or could not. As they buried her, Alex had broken down in public, not wanting to see the dark black soil cover her final resting place.
Alex sleeps with a nightlight, a holdover from his childhood. It was a weakness that his father could not tolerate, a weakness that made it easier for his father to hurt him at every occasion. Jude... claimed it was a form of ‘tough love,’ that it was his way of making his son stronger. Why should he have had to deal with a son who was weak and afraid? Where was the honor and pride in that?
Alex is a grown man, afraid to sleep in the dark. In the dark, he can see how twisted his mind is. He can see how lonely he will always be. He is afraid to be in a room with his own thoughts. In his thoughts, there are ghosts of the people he has known and loved. His mother visits him in moments of need, whispering words in Russian that, when he awakens, when he is lucid, he does not know and cannot remember. He wants desperately to know, but he cannot follow her into the darkness that she invites him into. He is too afraid, even to grab his mother’s hand in dreams. He can see his Baba, soothing him as his mother departs time and again. He can feel Gage staring at him accusatorily, waiting for something Alex does not know, or cannot give. He feels it, and knows that Gage will be waiting for him when he is no longer a part of this world, and will demand it from him.
Alex sleeps with lights blazing, as if it would chase back his demons and make him sane. He can see himself slipping, falling into the darkness, time and again. There in the darkness, he is running and scared and haunted by what is gone.
