last in the saga, life @ 23, chapter 9
Jan. 29th, 2009 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wellownedbkuplife @ 23
chapter 9, 23 Part 3
She is moving just fast enough to make a person believe that she is not moving at all. A languishing moment here, and a barely visible movement there, and all is in balance and at the right speed to deceive. Her outsides barely move at all, and she is proud of how it conceals the truth. The slowness is a lie that hides the mechanisms within, the quick flash of her brain, and how she takes it all in at once and never looks back.
She is moving at that speed now, all wondering when it will happen, or if it has already begun to happen. She cannot stand still a moment in herself, though she never moves, or else she knows she will be engulfed in worry over whether she will actually make it, whether he will stay, when he will leave her for good. She is sure of that, though she loves him so hard and so much, she has loved the heat and helplessness from her love. Everything about her love that was a dream and passion and overwhelming has turned to ashes of what once was fire and light.
And so she moves. She makes her mind busier and busier, readying everything for his arrival and the most important day in either of their lives. She can feel it swelling inside her and she makes herself the picture of calm while her insides roil and churn with anxiety and love. People wonder at her, if she is really all there as she shrugs it off and lets it all wash over her. The picture of calm, and not a sign that she is worried about whether he is going to get her in the future, or if he will be her salvation.
There is a woman somewhere, she knows, that is her very opposite: a woman who is calm inside, but anxious without, as she is calm without and anxious within. That woman is moving faster and faster and faster, until the world was blurred around her and nothing was clear except that there was a man to love her.
Sophie knew it, in her soul, that Daniel loves her in much the same way.
The plan was as follows: wake up at a reasonable hour. Eat something that would hold her, but wasn’t properly filling. Get her hair done so that it was intricate, easy, and most importantly, up off her neck. Make it to the reception hall to get dressed and take the pictures everyone would see in the album. Pictures, final touches, and a moment to gather herself before the ceremony started. The plan was perfect because it only asked her to go to 2 places, if that. The plan was basically foolproof because everything was done beforehand.
She woke up 3 hours later than she plans after her parents’ house blacked out. No alarms went off, nothing was working and no one knew what happened until it was far too late to do anything about. Sophie groans as she sees the sunlight flooding bright through her window and curses the way the day was already going before rolling out of bed into the shower. Hot water always does a body good.
Apparently, no one had told the water heater so, and a cold shower became the invigorating shock choice of the morning.
Still grumbling as she went into the kitchen, she began to moan ever bothering to wake up. To say there was no food in the house would have been an understatement. Sophie sighs as she sees that even the ever-present stock of yogurt—not her favorite dish, but it’d do in a pinch—had dwindled to one that was so far past due, she wonders why no one had thrown it out yet. Finally finding one scrawny and squished piece of bread seems to be a miracle. Sophie musters up a smile, figuring the day could be turning for the better after all.
Until the toaster burns the poor little morsel of bread past recognition, and leaves Sophie hungrier than before.
She heads for the reception hall, giving the hairdresser a call to meet her there. No chance, comes the reply. 2 other customers were being covered in the timeslot allotted for So, and there was nothing left open for the rest of the time between now and the wedding. Sorry, but as recompense, there’d be a partial refund. Sophie nearly screams as she slowly shuts the phone and pulls over to the side of the road.
Yes, So pulls over to the side of the road and nearly sideswipes a telephone pole in the process.
She takes a deep breath as she turns the car off and calls Daniel. If there was anyone she could talk to for a pick-me-up, it was him. She waits morosely as the phone rings on and on. Just as she is about to give the call up as loss, he answers, a bit breathlessly.
“’Ello?”
“Daniel? Y’alright?”
He breathes out a sigh. “Sophie, my love. Jesus, you scared me. No one’s called this morning, and you just caught me in the shower. Is everything alright?”
She rests her forehead against the steering wheel. “Everything’s going bad this morning. Everything sucks this morning.” She pouts, hoping he feels its influence over the phone. “Tell me everything’ll be alright.”
“Everything will be alright, Soph. I know it.” His smile transmits across the airwaves. “I’ll see you at the hall in about an hour, alright?” The phone line clicks off before she could answer. She smiles a little and closes her phone, getting back on the road as quickly as possible.
Traffic could’ve been worse, she imagines. One accident that holds up the queue for a half an hour is less than she’d imagined when she set off again. She even makes it to the hall where her dress is waiting for her in generally the same amount of time as she’d allotted at the first. She finally sighs in relief as she sees it, still hanging on the door to the dressing room in its garment bag, nothing ripped or torn. Maybe the day was going to finally start going right.
Until her sister Elana calls to say that her daughter was sick and couldn’t be the flower girl, and that she’d be late because of her.
Sophie disappears into another room and sets about hiding out from everyone and this nightmare of a day. It wouldn’t do to have the pictures ruined because Ela couldn’t show up, or because Jordan wasn’t feeling well, or because Celestine didn’t like her hair, or because—.
Daniel walks into the room and sits beside her on the floor, barely missing her hand in the dark as he does so. “Still feel like going through with it, love?”
“Today sucks.” She feels just like a petulant teenager, and pulls her arms around her knees.
He puts an arm around her as she sniffles. “What’s happened?” he asks, trying to sound concerned and not amused at her antics.
“I woke up late, I’m hungry, Jordan’s sick, Ela’s not here, Celestine’s being picky, my hair’s horrible, I nearly had an accident on the way here and I wanted everything to be perfect and it’s not,” she finishes in a long sigh.
“Is that all?”
She bats him on the arm. “Is that all?? Don’t you get it? Today’s supposed to be the most memorable moment of our lives, you know? And it is, but it’s for all the wrong reasons ‘cause nothing’s going right! I can’t even get my pictures done because I wanted Ela and Jordan in it.” She sniffs again. “Can we postpone this for next week?”
“And tell all our guests that because today sucks, next week would be better? Rain checks work really well on a wedding, love.” The chiding note in his voice is softened only by the love she knows is there and she has to huff in reply.
“Stop being reasonable,” she mutters, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Can’t you see I’m being emotional here?”
He gives a little chuckle. “Come on, love. Ela’s here with Jordan, who just had a jittery tummy from all the excitement. The photographer’s waiting. And I think you look gorgeous no matter what your hair looks like.” He pauses a moment in reflection. “Well, I don’t think I’ve seen it first thing in the morning, so I’ll reserve judgment on that.”
Sophie laughs back at him. “They’re here?! Oh, I have to get dressed!” She presses a quick kiss to his cheek as she scrambles up and dashes out of the room, leaving Daniel in an amused heap on the floor.
The ceremony has her nerves more on edge than they’ve been in her entire life she assumes. She is so quiet most of the time that she has never had the chance to say what she wants. She takes it all and rails quietly on the inside. All her life, no matter the consequences… she has given herself, her wants, her needs… she has given them all the back burner.
And when her wedding day comes, she still has not changed. Still short. Still imperfect. Still shy around the other sex to the point of ridiculousness. She sees her cousin walk down the aisle, the only bridesmaid; her sister, the maid of honor. She sees her friends in the rows beside the aisle and wonders when she will get the chance to thank them for coming and making the day even more beautiful as a result.
They go back to his apartment, their apartment, once the wedding vows are said and the bouquet has been tossed. He smiles and leaves her in peace, as she showers away the heat and cloying perfumes of one-too-many congratulatory hugs and slips into something more temporary. Her hands start to shake as she sits at the little vanity, no strength left in her to even pick up the brush, thinking only how she has to be pretty for him when he comes back. So caught up, she does not notice he is watching her from the doorway.
“You’re beautiful, Sophie.”
He takes her hand and dances with her, seeing the tension ebb and flow from her as she is alternately soothed, confused, and unnerved. He kisses her gently as they make another turn about the room, a waltz without music. She drops her head to his shoulder and forces the last of her tension from her body, praying he will know what to do to make this all over with.
“Lay down?”
Two words and the tension is back. Not anticipatory, but like she is 10 years old and does not know what he is doing. He asks her to trust him and she lays, face down in the pillow. She starts as his hands start to knead the muscles of her shoulders. He pauses and leans down again.
“The important thing is keeping your clothes on and taking your mind off of this.”
She shrugs his touch off and turns to stare at him. “Daniel?” she asks, knowing she’s got him, finally got him with her, and she’s frightened of that.
“We’ve got time.” He kisses her sweetly. “This is just the beginning of our lives, yeah?”
chapter 9, 23 Part 3
She is moving just fast enough to make a person believe that she is not moving at all. A languishing moment here, and a barely visible movement there, and all is in balance and at the right speed to deceive. Her outsides barely move at all, and she is proud of how it conceals the truth. The slowness is a lie that hides the mechanisms within, the quick flash of her brain, and how she takes it all in at once and never looks back.
She is moving at that speed now, all wondering when it will happen, or if it has already begun to happen. She cannot stand still a moment in herself, though she never moves, or else she knows she will be engulfed in worry over whether she will actually make it, whether he will stay, when he will leave her for good. She is sure of that, though she loves him so hard and so much, she has loved the heat and helplessness from her love. Everything about her love that was a dream and passion and overwhelming has turned to ashes of what once was fire and light.
And so she moves. She makes her mind busier and busier, readying everything for his arrival and the most important day in either of their lives. She can feel it swelling inside her and she makes herself the picture of calm while her insides roil and churn with anxiety and love. People wonder at her, if she is really all there as she shrugs it off and lets it all wash over her. The picture of calm, and not a sign that she is worried about whether he is going to get her in the future, or if he will be her salvation.
There is a woman somewhere, she knows, that is her very opposite: a woman who is calm inside, but anxious without, as she is calm without and anxious within. That woman is moving faster and faster and faster, until the world was blurred around her and nothing was clear except that there was a man to love her.
Sophie knew it, in her soul, that Daniel loves her in much the same way.
The plan was as follows: wake up at a reasonable hour. Eat something that would hold her, but wasn’t properly filling. Get her hair done so that it was intricate, easy, and most importantly, up off her neck. Make it to the reception hall to get dressed and take the pictures everyone would see in the album. Pictures, final touches, and a moment to gather herself before the ceremony started. The plan was perfect because it only asked her to go to 2 places, if that. The plan was basically foolproof because everything was done beforehand.
She woke up 3 hours later than she plans after her parents’ house blacked out. No alarms went off, nothing was working and no one knew what happened until it was far too late to do anything about. Sophie groans as she sees the sunlight flooding bright through her window and curses the way the day was already going before rolling out of bed into the shower. Hot water always does a body good.
Apparently, no one had told the water heater so, and a cold shower became the invigorating shock choice of the morning.
Still grumbling as she went into the kitchen, she began to moan ever bothering to wake up. To say there was no food in the house would have been an understatement. Sophie sighs as she sees that even the ever-present stock of yogurt—not her favorite dish, but it’d do in a pinch—had dwindled to one that was so far past due, she wonders why no one had thrown it out yet. Finally finding one scrawny and squished piece of bread seems to be a miracle. Sophie musters up a smile, figuring the day could be turning for the better after all.
Until the toaster burns the poor little morsel of bread past recognition, and leaves Sophie hungrier than before.
She heads for the reception hall, giving the hairdresser a call to meet her there. No chance, comes the reply. 2 other customers were being covered in the timeslot allotted for So, and there was nothing left open for the rest of the time between now and the wedding. Sorry, but as recompense, there’d be a partial refund. Sophie nearly screams as she slowly shuts the phone and pulls over to the side of the road.
Yes, So pulls over to the side of the road and nearly sideswipes a telephone pole in the process.
She takes a deep breath as she turns the car off and calls Daniel. If there was anyone she could talk to for a pick-me-up, it was him. She waits morosely as the phone rings on and on. Just as she is about to give the call up as loss, he answers, a bit breathlessly.
“’Ello?”
“Daniel? Y’alright?”
He breathes out a sigh. “Sophie, my love. Jesus, you scared me. No one’s called this morning, and you just caught me in the shower. Is everything alright?”
She rests her forehead against the steering wheel. “Everything’s going bad this morning. Everything sucks this morning.” She pouts, hoping he feels its influence over the phone. “Tell me everything’ll be alright.”
“Everything will be alright, Soph. I know it.” His smile transmits across the airwaves. “I’ll see you at the hall in about an hour, alright?” The phone line clicks off before she could answer. She smiles a little and closes her phone, getting back on the road as quickly as possible.
Traffic could’ve been worse, she imagines. One accident that holds up the queue for a half an hour is less than she’d imagined when she set off again. She even makes it to the hall where her dress is waiting for her in generally the same amount of time as she’d allotted at the first. She finally sighs in relief as she sees it, still hanging on the door to the dressing room in its garment bag, nothing ripped or torn. Maybe the day was going to finally start going right.
Until her sister Elana calls to say that her daughter was sick and couldn’t be the flower girl, and that she’d be late because of her.
Sophie disappears into another room and sets about hiding out from everyone and this nightmare of a day. It wouldn’t do to have the pictures ruined because Ela couldn’t show up, or because Jordan wasn’t feeling well, or because Celestine didn’t like her hair, or because—.
Daniel walks into the room and sits beside her on the floor, barely missing her hand in the dark as he does so. “Still feel like going through with it, love?”
“Today sucks.” She feels just like a petulant teenager, and pulls her arms around her knees.
He puts an arm around her as she sniffles. “What’s happened?” he asks, trying to sound concerned and not amused at her antics.
“I woke up late, I’m hungry, Jordan’s sick, Ela’s not here, Celestine’s being picky, my hair’s horrible, I nearly had an accident on the way here and I wanted everything to be perfect and it’s not,” she finishes in a long sigh.
“Is that all?”
She bats him on the arm. “Is that all?? Don’t you get it? Today’s supposed to be the most memorable moment of our lives, you know? And it is, but it’s for all the wrong reasons ‘cause nothing’s going right! I can’t even get my pictures done because I wanted Ela and Jordan in it.” She sniffs again. “Can we postpone this for next week?”
“And tell all our guests that because today sucks, next week would be better? Rain checks work really well on a wedding, love.” The chiding note in his voice is softened only by the love she knows is there and she has to huff in reply.
“Stop being reasonable,” she mutters, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Can’t you see I’m being emotional here?”
He gives a little chuckle. “Come on, love. Ela’s here with Jordan, who just had a jittery tummy from all the excitement. The photographer’s waiting. And I think you look gorgeous no matter what your hair looks like.” He pauses a moment in reflection. “Well, I don’t think I’ve seen it first thing in the morning, so I’ll reserve judgment on that.”
Sophie laughs back at him. “They’re here?! Oh, I have to get dressed!” She presses a quick kiss to his cheek as she scrambles up and dashes out of the room, leaving Daniel in an amused heap on the floor.
The ceremony has her nerves more on edge than they’ve been in her entire life she assumes. She is so quiet most of the time that she has never had the chance to say what she wants. She takes it all and rails quietly on the inside. All her life, no matter the consequences… she has given herself, her wants, her needs… she has given them all the back burner.
And when her wedding day comes, she still has not changed. Still short. Still imperfect. Still shy around the other sex to the point of ridiculousness. She sees her cousin walk down the aisle, the only bridesmaid; her sister, the maid of honor. She sees her friends in the rows beside the aisle and wonders when she will get the chance to thank them for coming and making the day even more beautiful as a result.
They go back to his apartment, their apartment, once the wedding vows are said and the bouquet has been tossed. He smiles and leaves her in peace, as she showers away the heat and cloying perfumes of one-too-many congratulatory hugs and slips into something more temporary. Her hands start to shake as she sits at the little vanity, no strength left in her to even pick up the brush, thinking only how she has to be pretty for him when he comes back. So caught up, she does not notice he is watching her from the doorway.
“You’re beautiful, Sophie.”
He takes her hand and dances with her, seeing the tension ebb and flow from her as she is alternately soothed, confused, and unnerved. He kisses her gently as they make another turn about the room, a waltz without music. She drops her head to his shoulder and forces the last of her tension from her body, praying he will know what to do to make this all over with.
“Lay down?”
Two words and the tension is back. Not anticipatory, but like she is 10 years old and does not know what he is doing. He asks her to trust him and she lays, face down in the pillow. She starts as his hands start to knead the muscles of her shoulders. He pauses and leans down again.
“The important thing is keeping your clothes on and taking your mind off of this.”
She shrugs his touch off and turns to stare at him. “Daniel?” she asks, knowing she’s got him, finally got him with her, and she’s frightened of that.
“We’ve got time.” He kisses her sweetly. “This is just the beginning of our lives, yeah?”
