life @ 23, chapter 6: 22 (epistolary)
Dec. 16th, 2008 10:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wellownedbkuplife @ 23
Chapter 6: 22
Dear Boy (I Need to Tell Things to),
I feel like I owe you a letter of some kind. I feel like I haven’t yet said enough to you, though, and I have to just tell you everything all over again.
Like, I’ve said it a million times already, but I have to say it again. THANK YOU. For a boy who only knew me for a grand total of (all lumped together) 14 days and 5 letters and a handful of emails and profile messages and IMs… you absolutely did everything in your power to make my stay in your neck of the woods easy and welcome. I never expected that of you, and you went and just amazed me at every turn. Do you even know what it means to me? You gave up your money, your weekend, your house, your food, your time, yourself… to hang out with a girl you kinda know.
That? Deserves such a large thank you that I can’t even express it without postponing my flight, coming to get you, giving you a kiss and a hug and all my life’s savings and my pay for the next 3 months, and then paying for you to take a vacation to wherever you like in the world. And that may only just barely cover it.
That’s not everything I want to tell you. I want to tell you how fantastic the rest of my trip was. I want to tell you how much I missed you after I’d left. I wish I could tell you everything that happened while we weren’t keeping up with our letters. I should tell you about everything that I have planned for the next couple of months and how much I’d love love LOVE for you to come visit me sometime (even though I know you won’t)….
I mean, I want to tell you that I think I kinda like you. I want to tell you, because I feel like a third grader all over again. I want to pass you a note that has the whole… ‘Check yes or no if you like me too’ at the bottom. I keep blushing when anyone asks about you, because I say that we’re just friends, but they always have that knowing grin on their face. Because guys can’t just be friends with girls, can they? Or vice versa, in my case, I guess? I want to tell you that I really do kinda like you. Like, LIKE like you.
See? Third grader. And I’m trying really hard to fight it, you know? Because I don’t think you like me that way. And then I do. And then I don’t again. I’m not sure what to think of you anymore, other than to say that it’s totally killer to have a friend like you. You’re my hero and totally unlike any other guy here and it makes me do a little dance every time, because I know you. *I* know *you* and I’m so very *lucky* to have met you and have you in my life. You’re a rarity and a gentleman and sometimes it gives me warm fuzzies to think that I get to be recipient of all that lovely that is you. I can’t measure up. And I really really want to.
I’m the wrong girl for you, but I want so very hard to be the right girl. I want to bring myself up to scratch for you. I want to wave my arms in the air and get a big neon lighted sign that says ‘Look at me! Pick me!’ I want it so very hard it feels like it’s really there, flickering and heavy in the dark. I don’t know so many things that a girl my age should know. I can’t flirt to save my life, and everything I say generally comes out wrong. I’m so much better when I’m writing and I can be your confidante and your comfort without ever opening my mouth. I’m not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, practical enough… I don’t even think I’m enough for you.
But I wanted to tell you that… I mean….
I can’t send this.
Dear Daniel,
so the trip?? was a blast. really laid back, strangely enough, cause everyone was at work and when you don't really know your way around, it was a lot of staying in the house and just chilling. *shrugs* oh well. had fun anyway.
but edinburgh? was beautiful. the family we stayed with live like 20 minutes outside of edinburgh, so it was like... the greatest view, all the time. and, since everything's basically uphill (even going downhill is an uphill trek!), it was always like picture-perfect views. we ended up going up to the castle in the last couple of days we were there. froze nearly to death, you know? cause, i mean, it was pretty and sunshiny with you, but they were about to head into winter weather. (speaking of, i got home, and i had to get used to nearly summer weather again. totally weird.) so we're up at the highest point, looking over the city, and wishing we had warmer jackets than just our hoodies.
ended up leaving there on a thursday and getting to london that night. let it be known that i. love. london. i mean, where you live was almost like home for me, and edinburgh was totally nothing like what i expected. but london! i love being able to get almost anywhere in 20 minutes and not having to drive and just the accessibility of everything. me and celeste ended up splitting up. she was in such a rush to see everything! running here and there and i just... wanted to slow down. see what i wanted to see. so i ended up where i've already been, as opposed to seeing new stuff. saw the wax museum again, and loved it. they've got the hulk in one of the rooms, and you could go stand in his grip and be scared for your picture and stuff. (totally wish i trusted people with my camera so i could've gotten better pics, or had someone else there with me) went to oxford street to shop around. didn't get nearly enough stuff cause i came home and was short on presents for my family, but next time, i'll be better.
so. i’ve basically been in and out of trying to get used to being home again. i can't believe it's nearly been a month since i got home. (and i can't believe i didn't send your phone back sooner. forgive me?) and, not to mention the fact that everyone's still getting married. uh, like, while i was away? there was a wedding. the first week we were back? there was a wedding. i just went to a bridal shower saturday for a girl who's getting married in january. which is one of at least 2 weddings in january. there's a wedding next week that i'm being hijacked into. TOO MANY WEDDINGS. haha. i think it's really sweet, though. oh, yeah. and while we were in edinburgh? Celeste’s pen pal was getting engaged. i think they're getting married in the summer. so. yeah. boatloads of weddings. i can't keep up.
so. what've you been up to? other than work yourself too much, as far as i'm concerned. seen any good movies? read any good books? been bored half to death? how's your mum? please give her a hug for me. and tell everyone i said hello. (everyone being anyone and everyone. yeah.)
OH. yeah. my mum giggled when she heard that you want twinkies and taffy. we're trying to get together a little gift box for you both (an extra something, since what's in this envelope is a little small), so consider at least one or the other done. i think my mum's scared customs may have a fit about mailing of food. whereas candy... not so much. so. yeah. that'll get done... sooner or later. yeesh. it's more like later at the moment, because it's getting around the time that christmas presents'll start being in the mail and mail gets lost and stolen and... yeah. maybe after the new year? :D it'll be a surprise.
ok. so i figure i've talked you enough. write me back!
all my love,
Soph
Dear Soph,
Sweetheart, do you ever stop?
Your trip sounded lovely. I’m glad you enjoyed being here and being back, showing Celeste around. I wished you could have stayed longer with me, especially since you say this feels like home to you. You made it pretty bright for a while here, which it hadn’t been, and I miss that already. I know you had to leave, but a few more days would have been nice. Are you coming back to visit soon?
Hold onto my phone for me, love. I’m supposed to be moving soon, I think. I wouldn’t want it lost in transit.
More when I have time between work and, well… work. And moving, apparently.
Love,
Daniel
To: Sophie <sophistry-mystery@mail.com>
From: Daniel <yourgentlemancaller@mail.co.uk>
So,
Not moving. At least you’ll be able to find me when you come back, which I hope will be soon.
Hey Danny-boy,
i’m kinda glad you aren’t moving, in case you wondered. how am i supposed to surprise visit you if I don’t know the way to get to you? lol
ok, so, finally had a vacation from work! one week and it was almost worthwhile not having any funds. we haven't had much snow at all, so it was really cool to have about an inch around new year's day. i took pictures, but they look sadly minor with the snowfall. decent, but lacking. this girl i knew used to joke and say that louisville is about the only place where you can wear shorts and shovel snow in the same week. this week?? feels just like that. was 70-some-odd yesterday, and it's supposed to only be 40-some-odd today.
what else? went to a wedding saturday. first time in my life that i actually danced at a party while wearing high heels. me + high heels + dancing = never happening, but it did! i was kinda proud of me. stayed on the floor for 3/4 of the music. i kinda fail at social dancing that doesn't involve preset movement (like i'm really really good at ballroom and latin with a partner, and line dances in a group; but play popular music that you just 'freestyle' to??? EPIC FAIL.), so staying out for more music than i'm used to means i'm growing up! woohoo! the guy who got married is a dj, so it meant pretty good music, but nothing i'm any good at.
i shan't let you think i'm a party girl or whatever. it's just that my ride made me miss the actual wedding, so i can't gush about how the ceremony was. the reception hall was very prettily decorated, though. fairy lights and real!napkins and real!silverware. very cozy, very lovely. the chick (she's a cousin, but a bit more distant) looked lovely and happy and i'm so glad for her. you wouldn't really expect them to be together, but hey. it's working out.
i gotta get around to emailing everyone. i got back from england and suddenly didn't feel like holding real conversations with anyone. and by anyone, i mean i suddenly stopped getting online, stopped checking email, stopped posting in my blog(s).... i kinda kept up with people's lives if they texted me or emailed me or posted or whatever, but otherwise... i even stopped taking phone calls!!! (granted, i don't particularly care for phone conversations anyway. i'm more literary or in person. but it's the principle of the matter.) so, it's kinda nice that i'm getting a little bit more used to talking to people again.
it was uncanny that i had 3 online conversations, a blog and about 15 people needing help all at the same time when i was at work yesterday. i just suddenly went *flail* "HELP?!" hahah. i feel really bad for the guy i worked with cause he's a little bit more geeky than me (ha) so all these new laptops came in, i'm swamped with more people to talk to than you can shake a stick at, and i'm just like.... *points* "he can help you." hahahahah. if they fire me, it'd be fair. i slacked off a whole semester without helping anyone. early mornings, at least, did me some good that way. hahahah.
anything new with you? sorry the move fell through. were you really looking forward to a change of scenery? or was it just a 'whatever' kinda thing? i think, given the choice, i'd travel rather than move. i like where i'm living, but i enjoy changes in scenery every now and again. everyone i've known growing up lives here (for the most part), minus an *adopted* big brother and celeste, who just moved away this weekend. *is sad* seriously puts a damper on things to have your best(est bestest) friend and road partner to up and leave to live over a thousand miles away. DEPRESSING. we now live at opposite ends of our states. louisville is kinda north central kentucky, and hollywood is south east florida. (yes, hollywood. but not of the big sign. more of 20 minutes north of miami.)
huh. that was the other thing i forgot. celeste moved. it's still sinking in, as it's been less than a week. but i still don't have to like it. i totally prefer her here, if only because i can't get my sister to go out with me anywhere anymore. the curses of her having a married life. *le sigh* so... now celeste's in florida, which gives me +1 places to travel when i get tired of here (even though i'll have to buy a plane ticket. i will not, cannot, shall not drive 18 hours just to visit my cousin. i may fly that distance, but i draw the line at driving it and still being in the USA.). plus, it's not that hard for her to meet up with me if we're gonna travel together out of the country. so, all in all, pros outweigh the cons (have somewhere new to go + easy meet up access > local home away from home + have a ready dance partner) and i'll just have to suck it up and harass her by email, letter and IM instead.
hey! i get to treat her just like you!! KIDDING. i love you much, much more than that.
.... letters make me giddy. whenever you get around to writing to me is good. cause just when i least expect it, and have an entirely rotten day, i get mail! or email, which is also pretty fab. so... whenever's good. you've got my love. give a hug to your mum for me. and everyone here says hello.
always,
So
To: Sophie <sophistry-mystery@mail.com>
From: Daniel <yourgentlemancaller@mail.co.uk>
Sophie,
I just heard you were coming back to England. I’m sorry I didn’t get a real letter to you, though you know how much I miss you. My number hasn’t changed. Call me when you get in. Instant messengers don’t hold a candle to the sound of your voice.
I feel like summer should become my favorite season.
Until next we meet, love.
To: Daniel <yourgentlemancaller@mail.co.uk>
From: Sophie <sophistry-mystery@mail.com>
Daniel,
My number hasn’t changed either. Text me or something to tell me you’re ok next time, instead of going AWOL for weeks. You scared me.
Don’t work yourself too hard, honey. There’s more to life than that.
Keep saying love and I’ll believe it.
Text To: Sophie 001-###-###-####
Text From: Daniel 01144##########
Why shouldn’t you believe it?
Chapter 6: 22
Dear Boy (I Need to Tell Things to),
I feel like I owe you a letter of some kind. I feel like I haven’t yet said enough to you, though, and I have to just tell you everything all over again.
Like, I’ve said it a million times already, but I have to say it again. THANK YOU. For a boy who only knew me for a grand total of (all lumped together) 14 days and 5 letters and a handful of emails and profile messages and IMs… you absolutely did everything in your power to make my stay in your neck of the woods easy and welcome. I never expected that of you, and you went and just amazed me at every turn. Do you even know what it means to me? You gave up your money, your weekend, your house, your food, your time, yourself… to hang out with a girl you kinda know.
That? Deserves such a large thank you that I can’t even express it without postponing my flight, coming to get you, giving you a kiss and a hug and all my life’s savings and my pay for the next 3 months, and then paying for you to take a vacation to wherever you like in the world. And that may only just barely cover it.
That’s not everything I want to tell you. I want to tell you how fantastic the rest of my trip was. I want to tell you how much I missed you after I’d left. I wish I could tell you everything that happened while we weren’t keeping up with our letters. I should tell you about everything that I have planned for the next couple of months and how much I’d love love LOVE for you to come visit me sometime (even though I know you won’t)….
I mean, I want to tell you that I think I kinda like you. I want to tell you, because I feel like a third grader all over again. I want to pass you a note that has the whole… ‘Check yes or no if you like me too’ at the bottom. I keep blushing when anyone asks about you, because I say that we’re just friends, but they always have that knowing grin on their face. Because guys can’t just be friends with girls, can they? Or vice versa, in my case, I guess? I want to tell you that I really do kinda like you. Like, LIKE like you.
See? Third grader. And I’m trying really hard to fight it, you know? Because I don’t think you like me that way. And then I do. And then I don’t again. I’m not sure what to think of you anymore, other than to say that it’s totally killer to have a friend like you. You’re my hero and totally unlike any other guy here and it makes me do a little dance every time, because I know you. *I* know *you* and I’m so very *lucky* to have met you and have you in my life. You’re a rarity and a gentleman and sometimes it gives me warm fuzzies to think that I get to be recipient of all that lovely that is you. I can’t measure up. And I really really want to.
I’m the wrong girl for you, but I want so very hard to be the right girl. I want to bring myself up to scratch for you. I want to wave my arms in the air and get a big neon lighted sign that says ‘Look at me! Pick me!’ I want it so very hard it feels like it’s really there, flickering and heavy in the dark. I don’t know so many things that a girl my age should know. I can’t flirt to save my life, and everything I say generally comes out wrong. I’m so much better when I’m writing and I can be your confidante and your comfort without ever opening my mouth. I’m not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, practical enough… I don’t even think I’m enough for you.
But I wanted to tell you that… I mean….
I can’t send this.
Dear Daniel,
so the trip?? was a blast. really laid back, strangely enough, cause everyone was at work and when you don't really know your way around, it was a lot of staying in the house and just chilling. *shrugs* oh well. had fun anyway.
but edinburgh? was beautiful. the family we stayed with live like 20 minutes outside of edinburgh, so it was like... the greatest view, all the time. and, since everything's basically uphill (even going downhill is an uphill trek!), it was always like picture-perfect views. we ended up going up to the castle in the last couple of days we were there. froze nearly to death, you know? cause, i mean, it was pretty and sunshiny with you, but they were about to head into winter weather. (speaking of, i got home, and i had to get used to nearly summer weather again. totally weird.) so we're up at the highest point, looking over the city, and wishing we had warmer jackets than just our hoodies.
ended up leaving there on a thursday and getting to london that night. let it be known that i. love. london. i mean, where you live was almost like home for me, and edinburgh was totally nothing like what i expected. but london! i love being able to get almost anywhere in 20 minutes and not having to drive and just the accessibility of everything. me and celeste ended up splitting up. she was in such a rush to see everything! running here and there and i just... wanted to slow down. see what i wanted to see. so i ended up where i've already been, as opposed to seeing new stuff. saw the wax museum again, and loved it. they've got the hulk in one of the rooms, and you could go stand in his grip and be scared for your picture and stuff. (totally wish i trusted people with my camera so i could've gotten better pics, or had someone else there with me) went to oxford street to shop around. didn't get nearly enough stuff cause i came home and was short on presents for my family, but next time, i'll be better.
so. i’ve basically been in and out of trying to get used to being home again. i can't believe it's nearly been a month since i got home. (and i can't believe i didn't send your phone back sooner. forgive me?) and, not to mention the fact that everyone's still getting married. uh, like, while i was away? there was a wedding. the first week we were back? there was a wedding. i just went to a bridal shower saturday for a girl who's getting married in january. which is one of at least 2 weddings in january. there's a wedding next week that i'm being hijacked into. TOO MANY WEDDINGS. haha. i think it's really sweet, though. oh, yeah. and while we were in edinburgh? Celeste’s pen pal was getting engaged. i think they're getting married in the summer. so. yeah. boatloads of weddings. i can't keep up.
so. what've you been up to? other than work yourself too much, as far as i'm concerned. seen any good movies? read any good books? been bored half to death? how's your mum? please give her a hug for me. and tell everyone i said hello. (everyone being anyone and everyone. yeah.)
OH. yeah. my mum giggled when she heard that you want twinkies and taffy. we're trying to get together a little gift box for you both (an extra something, since what's in this envelope is a little small), so consider at least one or the other done. i think my mum's scared customs may have a fit about mailing of food. whereas candy... not so much. so. yeah. that'll get done... sooner or later. yeesh. it's more like later at the moment, because it's getting around the time that christmas presents'll start being in the mail and mail gets lost and stolen and... yeah. maybe after the new year? :D it'll be a surprise.
ok. so i figure i've talked you enough. write me back!
all my love,
Soph
Dear Soph,
Sweetheart, do you ever stop?
Your trip sounded lovely. I’m glad you enjoyed being here and being back, showing Celeste around. I wished you could have stayed longer with me, especially since you say this feels like home to you. You made it pretty bright for a while here, which it hadn’t been, and I miss that already. I know you had to leave, but a few more days would have been nice. Are you coming back to visit soon?
Hold onto my phone for me, love. I’m supposed to be moving soon, I think. I wouldn’t want it lost in transit.
More when I have time between work and, well… work. And moving, apparently.
Love,
Daniel
To: Sophie <sophistry-mystery@mail.com>
From: Daniel <yourgentlemancaller@mail.co.uk>
So,
Not moving. At least you’ll be able to find me when you come back, which I hope will be soon.
Hey Danny-boy,
i’m kinda glad you aren’t moving, in case you wondered. how am i supposed to surprise visit you if I don’t know the way to get to you? lol
ok, so, finally had a vacation from work! one week and it was almost worthwhile not having any funds. we haven't had much snow at all, so it was really cool to have about an inch around new year's day. i took pictures, but they look sadly minor with the snowfall. decent, but lacking. this girl i knew used to joke and say that louisville is about the only place where you can wear shorts and shovel snow in the same week. this week?? feels just like that. was 70-some-odd yesterday, and it's supposed to only be 40-some-odd today.
what else? went to a wedding saturday. first time in my life that i actually danced at a party while wearing high heels. me + high heels + dancing = never happening, but it did! i was kinda proud of me. stayed on the floor for 3/4 of the music. i kinda fail at social dancing that doesn't involve preset movement (like i'm really really good at ballroom and latin with a partner, and line dances in a group; but play popular music that you just 'freestyle' to??? EPIC FAIL.), so staying out for more music than i'm used to means i'm growing up! woohoo! the guy who got married is a dj, so it meant pretty good music, but nothing i'm any good at.
i shan't let you think i'm a party girl or whatever. it's just that my ride made me miss the actual wedding, so i can't gush about how the ceremony was. the reception hall was very prettily decorated, though. fairy lights and real!napkins and real!silverware. very cozy, very lovely. the chick (she's a cousin, but a bit more distant) looked lovely and happy and i'm so glad for her. you wouldn't really expect them to be together, but hey. it's working out.
i gotta get around to emailing everyone. i got back from england and suddenly didn't feel like holding real conversations with anyone. and by anyone, i mean i suddenly stopped getting online, stopped checking email, stopped posting in my blog(s).... i kinda kept up with people's lives if they texted me or emailed me or posted or whatever, but otherwise... i even stopped taking phone calls!!! (granted, i don't particularly care for phone conversations anyway. i'm more literary or in person. but it's the principle of the matter.) so, it's kinda nice that i'm getting a little bit more used to talking to people again.
it was uncanny that i had 3 online conversations, a blog and about 15 people needing help all at the same time when i was at work yesterday. i just suddenly went *flail* "HELP?!" hahah. i feel really bad for the guy i worked with cause he's a little bit more geeky than me (ha) so all these new laptops came in, i'm swamped with more people to talk to than you can shake a stick at, and i'm just like.... *points* "he can help you." hahahahah. if they fire me, it'd be fair. i slacked off a whole semester without helping anyone. early mornings, at least, did me some good that way. hahahah.
anything new with you? sorry the move fell through. were you really looking forward to a change of scenery? or was it just a 'whatever' kinda thing? i think, given the choice, i'd travel rather than move. i like where i'm living, but i enjoy changes in scenery every now and again. everyone i've known growing up lives here (for the most part), minus an *adopted* big brother and celeste, who just moved away this weekend. *is sad* seriously puts a damper on things to have your best(est bestest) friend and road partner to up and leave to live over a thousand miles away. DEPRESSING. we now live at opposite ends of our states. louisville is kinda north central kentucky, and hollywood is south east florida. (yes, hollywood. but not of the big sign. more of 20 minutes north of miami.)
huh. that was the other thing i forgot. celeste moved. it's still sinking in, as it's been less than a week. but i still don't have to like it. i totally prefer her here, if only because i can't get my sister to go out with me anywhere anymore. the curses of her having a married life. *le sigh* so... now celeste's in florida, which gives me +1 places to travel when i get tired of here (even though i'll have to buy a plane ticket. i will not, cannot, shall not drive 18 hours just to visit my cousin. i may fly that distance, but i draw the line at driving it and still being in the USA.). plus, it's not that hard for her to meet up with me if we're gonna travel together out of the country. so, all in all, pros outweigh the cons (have somewhere new to go + easy meet up access > local home away from home + have a ready dance partner) and i'll just have to suck it up and harass her by email, letter and IM instead.
hey! i get to treat her just like you!! KIDDING. i love you much, much more than that.
.... letters make me giddy. whenever you get around to writing to me is good. cause just when i least expect it, and have an entirely rotten day, i get mail! or email, which is also pretty fab. so... whenever's good. you've got my love. give a hug to your mum for me. and everyone here says hello.
always,
So
To: Sophie <sophistry-mystery@mail.com>
From: Daniel <yourgentlemancaller@mail.co.uk>
Sophie,
I just heard you were coming back to England. I’m sorry I didn’t get a real letter to you, though you know how much I miss you. My number hasn’t changed. Call me when you get in. Instant messengers don’t hold a candle to the sound of your voice.
I feel like summer should become my favorite season.
Until next we meet, love.
To: Daniel <yourgentlemancaller@mail.co.uk>
From: Sophie <sophistry-mystery@mail.com>
Daniel,
My number hasn’t changed either. Text me or something to tell me you’re ok next time, instead of going AWOL for weeks. You scared me.
Don’t work yourself too hard, honey. There’s more to life than that.
Keep saying love and I’ll believe it.
Text To: Sophie 001-###-###-####
Text From: Daniel 01144##########
Why shouldn’t you believe it?
